December 10, 2013

Tribe Report - Father and Son

Hi Ed,

At our last tribe meeting a tribe member wants to connect with his daughter. I arrive at the meeting late and just in time for the dinner break. The tribe and I acknowledge the broken agreement of my arriving late, and we move on.

The tribe member continues his process after the break.

The tribe member on the hotseat develops his form and reports a tight knot in his stomach—a "pit in his stomach." I along with some other tribe members play the role of his father. Each role-play father brings up different aspects. In my particular role play I feel a nauseating pit in my stomach.

The hot seat, with the support of the tribe, finds the recurring critical incident and completes the rocks process culminating in him using the Heart rock to communicate feelings with his daughter and making an agreement with her to play tennis together.

He breaks the cycle of using hypercritical, judgmental remarks, and in the final scenario, he shares feelings with his daughter perfectly and without any coaching whatsoever.

The transformation is amazing. He sticks with the feelings during the final role-play with his daughter, and he shares feelings and gets information from her about what is important to her and what she wants, and he does it without asking any questions. He is amazing.

His daughter is 7 years old, and my son is the same age. I half joke that 7-year-old's primary purpose in life is to help us fathers find entry points for TTP. I notice a profound change in my relationship with my son during this Austin Tribe series.

We have clearer agreements and do more things with more joy. The Saturday after the last Austin Tribe meeting, my son and I spend the day at the local science museum and have an agreement to see how much we can learn and do without asking any questions. We make it a game.

I fail miserably at first, and I ask three questions before we finish riding up the first escalator in the museum. My son gets the biggest kick out of that, and we both laugh. I get better as the day continues. We end up having more fun and learning more by not asking any questions. We use phrases such as "I wonder about . . ." and "I don't know what that means." It's awkward in the beginning, and we eventually find a groove. We continue the game through dinner and both get a free dessert. In the end, we tally the score and agree the game's a win-win.

Dec 10, 2013

Reaching Out From 10 Years Ago

Hi Ed,

It's been many years since I first write you. As a reminder, I touch base with you in 1993 or 1994. You send me a glossy handout with your "Optimal Heat" write-up (with Dave Druz), as well as a handout on the TT. I read all the books to "get into" the TT, then realize that the TT meets in CA, whereas I live in NC. I want to participate and learn from you, and I am deflated when I figure out it takes a commitment I am not ready to make to fly to NV to participate in TT out there. Alas, TTs spread and I spend time in [Name's] tribe and then [Name's] tribe... I learn a lot but my participation in both tribes runs its course. At the end sloppy tribe leadership disgusts me, and I am happy to move on.

Speaking of moving on, earlier this year I tell my boss I need a change at work. I trade equity derivs, providing liquidity to hedge funds and big fast money for 15 years. That's about three years too many for me. My boss fires me six weeks later. I am angry and upset that my boss does not give me the opportunity to find a job more suited to my interests elsewhere in the company before firing me. I work for him for eight years at multiple firms.

Now I look for a job. I would like to work with money managers who follow trends, or I would like to start my own money management company that follows trends. I develop and test a simple trend following system on stocks and bonds. It seems to do okay. I wonder if you know anyone who might mentor me or just talk to me? ... I am scared and would like some help figuring out what I feel and how I can succeed over the long-term.

When I am at my gloomiest (the 1.5 years preceding my firing in February 2013), FAQ goes dark. Interestingly, you begin publishing FAQ again four weeks after I'm fired.

I read the "Govopoly" peek. Indeed, something just doesn't feel right. I worry about getting a job, wonder why I am spinning my wheels; I also think about starting a business. I look forward to reading the whole book and learning about what I can do to go with the flow, maybe sell life preservers or something bigger.

My children arrive home now. They are 6 and 3.5, boy and girl, respectively. I think about how in "Govopoly" you thank your children for having patience while raising you. Wow, now that's a great way of looking at it. I, too, am so lucky to have my children teach me how to be a dad. It makes me so happy to be with them. I think I'm breaking the cycle of yelling to solve problems. I do not yell at them but I do find myself yelling at my wife sometimes. That is not smart. I am working on going with the flow and solving problems by talking about feelings. It seems to work.

Jane Roberts, Rob Butts, and Seth play a big part in my perspective. I wonder about Seth and all he teaches and what I need to do to align myself with right livelihood and finding a new job or starting my own firm. Seth and you and some other big thinkers seem to share similar perspectives. All directions point to, "Every time you say it, that's the way it's going to be." I alternate between just going with the flow and being happy and then getting worried and sad because I have yet to find the right people to work with and/or for.

I'm excited your book is coming out, congratulations on completing it.

Sincerely,

Dec 10, 2013

Tribe Meeting Report

Ed,

The meeting begins and I feel energized because of a breakthrough I had in the prior meeting. In the prior meeting I discover that I am afraid to ask for things and I trace this back to what I believe to be a self esteem issue. The group engages. The group leads me to believe that I do not have a self esteem problem, I am having some control issues. These control issues come from be not being able to describe what I want. The group goes deeper.

We finally hit on a conversation I was having with my daughter about her tennis. I am not really sure how we got there but I trust the group and the leader so I go with the flow. This gets my emotions going. I am having the problem of getting my daughter to talk about what she wants (sounds familiar). The group leader suggests we role play the conversation and try to engage in some more rapport building. A member of the the group generously offers to be my daughter.

We start the role play and I truly struggle. Everything that comes out of my mouth is corrected by the group for being controlling. I get to the point where I have difficulty forming sentences, then words. I feel very lost. The conversation then moves into a discussion about my parents when the leader picks up on a form. The group begins the emotional buildup. I find myself feeling constricted. Memories of being criticized for a lack of perfection come into my mind. I cannot focus on a specific instance but I definitely have traces of memories of feeling coursing through me.

We then decide that I have been given multiple rocks. One is from my mother where I shut down when being criticized. Another is feeling like I need to be perfect from my father. My willingness for change is sought and I consent. Once I consent we begin the process and I am able to forgive the medicinal rocks and accept my new intimate behaviors. This takes a lot of patience and coaching from the tribe. I have the feeling of being selfish of the group's time because I am so dense about where they are trying to lead me. We finally get to the point where I feel I am able to try the conversation with my daughter again. This time I work my way through it without one correction! I am amazed by myself and can feel the lightness in my shoulders. The tribe is very congratulatory and this makes me feel happy.

I commit to working on my intimacy with my kids. One of the principals that I am using is to try and avoid question because that often leads to judgment. Like all things TTP related I have the chance with the very same daughter a few days after the meeting to practice what I have learned. My daughter has a way of saying things that amuse my wife and I. We often chuckle because she is genuinely funny. She say something and we have a chuckle but by the look of her face she was not intending to be funny.

I say "I would like to know how you feel". She responds that when we laugh, sometimes she feels sad. I thanked her for sharing her feelings without trying to justify our laughter. I just tried to be there with her. Obviously I am not happy that I just made my daughter sad but I truly felt her use of the word sad was a breakthrough. Since then, I admit I am struggling with the "no questions" principal but I am making progress and will not give up. Kids are tough sometimes but I feel much more prepared as a parent after going through the tribe meeting and my experiences afterwards.

As far as my accomplishments over the course of the series, TTP has done nothing short of change my life. The idea of intimacy versus control has given, what feels to me as, some sort of instruction manual for a successful life. Both personally and professionally I focus on controlling what I can control (my time and my risk) and being intimate with people and my emotions. As important is accepting the reality of what I can control. The most meaningful improvements in my life have come through my relationship with my family. My wife and I discuss feelings like we never did before. My kids and I have a rapport that was good before but I feel like is improving. I have eliminated control from friendships and find myself happier. I have been able to reduce drama between members of my extended family.

One of the most appealing and frustrating things about TTP is that I do not believe it can ever be "won". (Don't worry Ed we can talk about my desire to "win" at another time). It is a constant struggle for self improvement. Once you close a door, another one opens up. When you walk 10 steps forward, you then take 9 steps back. Sounds a lot like trend trading. I am excited by this and plan on going with the flow. The things I will focus on in the short term are trying to avoid asking "why" questions, assessing willingness, and trying to focus on acceptance.

Much love to my family and my tribe.

Dec 10, 2013

Tribe Meeting Report - Stands Up For What He Wants

Ed,

Following the Rocks process at our last tribe meeting I notice a few changes in my life. I notice that I have urge to start working out again. I visit gym three times a week and feel good about exercising. Working out is something that I have not done in 2 years and now I am back on a workout regimen effortlessly.

I have not played basketball in close to 4 years a sport that I love growing up and play competitively in school. I notice now I when at home I shoot air jump shots. I miss the feeling of playing and suspect I will find my way to a court for a pick up game soon.

Before the Rocks process I have drama with aunt regarding a purchase of a TV. I feel like a "chump" when she insists I buy it and I purchase it out of guilt. The purchase of the TV throws my monthly budget way off and jeopardizes a trip to see family, all of which I am fully aware of at the time of purchase.

I relate story to tribe and Chief remarks that it seems as though women run my life or boss me around...from my wife, to my mother, to now my aunt. I agree. During the Rocks process we role play me sharing feelings with my aunt, for my first Rocks process it feels strange but I go with it and accept the heart rock.

A week later the TV I bought at the urging of my aunt fails to work. I am pissed. I share my feelings with wife and she relates a story of how she was mistreated as a teenage mother and how she got to a point where she stood up for herself and confronts her mother, father and family who run over her and offer no support. She shares her feelings of fear surrounding the emergence of her "Voice" and relates that it is easier now with practice. Her words give me confidence.

I text my aunt with my new number she replies "how are you doing?", I text back "I feel frustrated and angry". She calls and we talk and I share my feelings of being frustrated and angry surrounding the purchase of the TV. I share feelings of being duped and feeling like a chump and that I feel she is in cahoots with the seller of the bogus TV. She seems to brush of my feelings saying we need to move past it. I feel as I'm back at Tribe during Rocks process. I feel my pm kneeling beside me telling me to stay with my feelings. I continue to share my feelings she then receives them. She shares her feelings as well and I do my best to receive them. We make plans to plan to see each other. It seems as though it is almost an exact recreation of the final role play during my Rocks process, down to the fact we are on the phone not face to face.

After the phone call I reflect on what happened. I feel good I speak up for myself and share my feelings. Over past few weeks I wonder how an adult can increase self esteem and confidence in self. I see this as one way that works for me. I feel more self confidence after the exchange with my aunt. Hours later my mother calls me and remarks if I am going to attend religious services this Sunday. I say "NO". I feel the confidence in my voice and my mother's normal guilt trip after my answer is no where to be found.

I now appreciate and relate to Ed's response to the "Woe is Me" FAQ post. Ed says "Proper attire can help you communicate your intentions".

I also have another realization yesterday surrounding feelings. I move to south Texas recently for work. I have feelings of confusion and I wonder why I am not able to convince myself to convince my wife to move too. I listen to radio station from back home and it hits me. I don't like this city, confusion gone. I wonder what I will do when my work assignment is up but I feel good that I follow my feeling and eliminate one choice.

I want to thank you for this forum and introduction of this technology into my life. I would also like to express my deepest gratitude to my friends/tribe members for helping me with my process.

Thank you.

Dec 9, 2013

Tribe Report - Breaking Up

Hi Ed,

This is my experience.

I mention that lately I experience pretty strong feelings of rejection as during the prior week I tell my ex-girlfriend that I would like to "have a clean break" from communicating for a while, to experience being alone or with someone else, instead of in limbo. I find this discussion really difficult as I care about her. It really feels like we are breaking up again.

I feel so bad that I feel really sick like I am going to throw up. I feel so guilty that the next day I tell her that I care about her and her feelings and I still want to support her in any way I can.

I apologise for being so confusing. Her reply is that it is ok to want space and she appreciates my honesty. I get into some really intense forms (which I am not really sure of) it is a short sharp and intense hot seat. I don't really feel like I isolate the feeling or re-experience the feeling sick type feelings. The tribe checks me out and TM makes the observation that I clearly can experience rejection he suggests that I might like to explore feelings of guilt that arise exploring new relationships.

Next TM (who is at their first meeting) takes the hot seat and works through a drama she is experiencing. The hot seat revolves around her having to work a sales job to provide for her family with benefits to customers which she questions. She hunches forward and cries into her hands rocking back and forward. After a while the rocking ceases and she removes her hands from her face and checks out. It is impressive to see someone just giving it a go – no problems first meeting.

Final TM wants to work through some dramas so chief lets the process run, the hot seat process isn't suiting him, so after a time chief tries a snapshot/goals process that concludes with the TM leaving the meeting with commitments he makes to bring to the next tribe meeting.

Dec 9, 2013

Workshop Follow-Up: Big and Small Things

Ed,

Thank you for your support with my workshop follow up. Thanks also to those who provided comments, which are very helpful, and also some timely questions about my late report.

Welcome to two new people on my support team.

"Work hard on my trading systems for three hours a day: See what feelings come up. Report monthly to my support team and FAQ."

"Next report early December as I am away the second half of November."

This report is about a week later than I originally intend. Although I foreshadow this report being late due to being away, I do not mean this late. After getting back I am tired and I tell myself I will report when I finish this one thing [proper handling of FX positions], so I can report it is finished. I feel somewhat frustrated that I have not got it finished although I have made a lot of progress and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, for this and my trading generally.

In spite of the trip away I keep running my systems and doing trades as required. For the month I average a little less than 3 hours hard work on my trading systems but my average remains over 3 hours

During the month I reach my strength training objectives, set a year ago. I feel euphoric for several days after this.

Also I do a talk at a conference and discuss my use of Machine Learning (ML) technology, in particular systematic use of bias variance trade-off techniques. For the talk I analyze my trading before and since I began to use ML and I notice better and more consistent results. A feel really good about this and it encourages me to keep working on my systems. I feel increasing confidence that I am going to make it.

While away I did a lot of reading for my other objectives. My weight went up while away but it is coming back down and my waist measurement is progressively reducing though erratically.

A problem with the tax authorities is finally resolved with a check from them for a significant (to me) sum.

A lot of small things go wrong during the month. A friend's father dies and leaves her nothing, a result of an argument many years ago. She seems stuck on her sadness and cannot process it, perhaps due to her religious beliefs. I feel sad too. Perhaps I too will inherit nothing. I lose my note book. A train I am on hits someone and they die. My TV blows up and has to be replaced, also my broadband modem, my lawn mower, my whipper snipper. My wife falls and hurts her spine. She is in pain for a couple of weeks and in a bad mood. She says some painful things to me (she is almost OK now and on the mend). A dog attacks me while I walk my dog and it slightly injures me, nothing permanent. Last night my computer glasses break and have to be replaced. I have them stuck together with "glue and tar" for now. It is becoming a bit of a joke "What will go wrong today?".

I do want to be more productive; I am not quite there yet. Running at about 70% of time spent usefully. Up from 50% a while ago.

The big things are going well though so overall I feel good though a little tired. Our Tribe has a new member who is very courageous and committed. My trading is going well and my research is progressing. My fitness and health are progressing well.

Thank you for your support. Next report 10th January 2013.

Dec 9, 2013

SVO-p

Dear Ed,

I am browsing through your website when I come across a pithy saying that instantly makes an impression on me: "Every Time You Say How It Is that's the way it's gonna be for you." http://www.seykota.com/tt/workshops/default.html

However, something doesn't quite seem to fit; and I realize that as the words stand right now they imply a judgement on the reader's (non-existant) future: "...that's the way it's gonna be for you.". Perhaps a more SVOp friendly version is: "...that's the way it is for you."

With love and regards,

Your student.

Dec 8, 2013

The Athleticism of Quadcopters

Ed,

I find this absolutely fascinating.

http://www.ted.com/talks/raffaello_d_andrea_
the_astounding_athletic_power_of
_quadcopters.html?utm_source=email&source=
email&utm_medium=social&utm_campai
gn=ios-share

Dec 8, 2013

Austin Tribe Report 11/21/13

Ed,


We begin the meeting by drumming and I feel relaxed and right at home. I seem to feel more and more relaxed as this series goes along.

The process manager (PM) asks if anyone wants to work. Several Tribe members (TM) raise their hands. The PM tests for a real issue, a problem with something definitive to change. The PM weeds out most everyone.

One TM does have an issue. He talks about it for a while and describes his desire to manage money at some point and then discusses his relationship with his daughter. He says she shows little motivation and looks bored during tennis lessons that her parents insist she take.

Later, after dinner he ultimately gets into a form. He describes a pit in his stomach but is not sure if it's a form or the pizza from dinner. He describes his relationship with his father and describes his father who is a military man and the expectations his father requires him to meet. His father requires rigid perfection.

A drama is put together that includes two versions of his father that berate him about getting it right. He gives back the medicinal rocks and connects with each father individually with some help from technical support. After establishing rapport with his "fathers" a role play is put together with his young daughter after he picks her up from tennis lessons.

He works on developing intimacy with his daughter and listening to her true feelings about tennis. He shares his feelings as well with some practice. The entire drama feels very real.

I recall feelings of wanting to just share time with my father and that usually involved just playing catch with a baseball. His daughter shares her desire to play tennis with her dad and just have fun. He is able to acknowledge her feelings and make plans to play together.

Together is such a beautiful word. In all of life the very essence of intimacy is "together". I am reminded of playing tennis with my sister as I grow up and how much I enjoy this even though we are extremely competitive with each other.

This rocks process is very valuable to me as I reflect on my relationships currently. I feel a greater desire to just enjoy togetherness with loved ones and to savor the moments of playing together in whatever form that may be.

I am very grateful for the opportunity to be a part of this tribe and I really enjoy each tribe member as a brother/sister as we go along this journey together.

Dec 8, 2013

Tribe Meeting Report

Hello Ed.

My Nov 21 TT Report.

The meeting starts promptly at 5:00 CST.

Drumming. Ed starts and leads the drumming. Members begin drumming to their own beat. Not long thereafter, all members are drumming in rhythm. I notice energy from the rhythmic drumbeat. I notice my focus increases and my attention turns inward. The drumming ends naturally.

Feelings Check-in. We individually check-in our feelings with the group. Some members describe their feelings in 'general' terms (e.g. good, relaxed, anxious, et cetera). Other members describe their feelings in 'specific' terms (e.g. warm, tingling sensation, et cetera). I describe a tight muscle in my neck and shoulder.

Progress Report. Everyone reports progress on various goals since the beginning of the Austin Tribe series. I report progress since attending the workshop, namely re-kindled relationships with my brothers.

Two members arrive late to the meeting. Individually, the two members acknowledge to each member their intention to be late to the meeting. In return, each member acknowledges their intention for them to be late to the meeting.

Late Member: "I intend to be late to the meeting." Member: "I intend for you to be late to the meeting."

One member has difficulty stating their intention for the members to be late to the meeting. Without prodding, the member acknowledges their difficulty to the group. Ed leads a quick discussion on Intentions = Results. Internally I note, 'Where do you draw your personal system boundaries?" "Where does your personal responsibility begin and end?"

Issues. We spin around the room talking about any open issues members brought to the meeting. Ed 'double clicks' on asking for what you want and the importance of making clear agreements.

One member thinks his issue for not getting what he wants is his low self-esteem. Ed tests his self-esteem in multiple ways only to reveal he is abundant with self-esteem. This evolves into a bunch of 'why' questions and an issue involving his daughter and her not 'trying' during group tennis lessons.

Hot Seat. Member agrees to take the hot seat and wants to role play a recent scenario where he drives his daughter home from tennis class. Specifically, he first observes his daughter from a distance before tennis lessons end. During many role plays, it is evident he is trying hard to connect with his daughter but he is unable to do so. Even with a tender voice, his questions are yes/no in nature and embedded with a judgment. His daughter shuts down with every attempt and each conversation becomes more laborious. He is trying to connect with his daughter. He is struggling and we are struggling with him.

He shows some forms and other tribe members instantaneously encourage him to develop his forms. Rubbing his head, then pounding his right hand manifests itself into a pain in his stomach. Freezing his forms, he recalls his father's constant instruction on how to do things properly and he should always try [harder]. In defense of his father, he says his father was only trying to prepare him for the world.

After another role play with several fathers simultaneously chirping in both his ears on how to mow the grass, hold a wrench properly, et cetera, he realizes his mother also donated a shut-down rock to him.

Ed then provides him with new resources to proactively interact with his father and mother. After role playing the new resources with his parents, he role plays the scenario with his daughter. "Hi honey. Tell me about your tennis lessons." From there the conversation flows naturally. It is enjoyable watching how easy his new conversation is with his daughter. No struggling. No trying. Just simple conversation.

Check-out. Hot seat member releases members from their roles. All members check-out individually with the group. All members express gratitude to the hot seat member for his courage to take the issue to the hot seat. All provide support and encouragement to him and each other.

Ed concludes the meeting thanking all members for their work. He highlights several projects he is working on. He says he will see which projects develop momentum and will shift focus to them. Ride your winners. Cut your losers. Everyone gets what they want.

Warmest Regards.

Dec 7, 2013

Fear of Dentists

Hi Chief,

Today my dentist wants to pull my wisdom teeth next time. I sneak out his office without making next appointment. I really hate to go dentist, especially extractions. I feel panic, terror. I have no problem if he pulls my bad, loosen teeth. But I really feel fear if he sticks the big plyer into my mouth and pull the strong rooted big healthy(he says there's a cavity on it though) teeth and leave a big bloody hole there. I heard that sometime they use hammers and yank it hard to take it out. I really freak out. I would rather to have my Fred engineering a street fight and get punched on my jaws, or have my wife punch me again to lose it.

I wonder if I really need to be able to experience the pain and terror of the big plyer to become a better trader? I might need a hot seat from my tribe before I go back to the dentist.

Thanks,

Dec 6, 2013

The Upside of Irrationality

Ed,

I receive abstracts and today I got one of "The Upside of Irrationality" by Dan Ariely. Here's a snip:

"Emotional decisions can affect your life for decades… People tend to follow their own past decisions, they tend to repeat emotion-based choices far more often than they should, even if these decisions are no longer relevant, and even if they proved harmful. You may even use your previous choices as an unconscious guide to future choices. This is, in an irrational way, emotionally comforting, even if the practical outcome is disastrous... To understand your responses – and your partner's – share experiences and activities that might bring emotions to the forefront, and examine how both of you respond… If you work to gain insight into your processes, your irrational behaviors can become powerful guides to understanding your own nature and to improving your decisions. If you do not, there is a good chance that you will keep making the same emotional and irrational mistakes for a long, long time."

This sounds "pre-TTP-ish" to me. I say "pre-TTP" because TTP "knows" all this plus it includes a technology for improving processes and decisions.

Dec 5, 2013

U.S. Air Force -- Flash Mobbing

Ed,

You might like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIoSga7tZPg

Dec 5, 2013

Societal Medication

Ed,

I read that this video is awarded grand prize money from the government to promote the "affordable care act".

I have the feeling while listening that the intention is to induce a trancelike state and avoid my feelings. I am reminded of another leader who tells his followers to "just drink the koolaid ". http://youtu.be/wpRNAkG-Nx0

Dec 4, 2013

Serendipity

Dear Ed:

We reinvent the wheel in our C++ system testing program. We let alone the financial libraries. Today one member finishes the lag calculations and I complete the code that "moves" them along to the end of our array of S&P DATA.

I imagine the point of recreating the TSP 150/15 test. Success here will likely verify correct programming. Other groups design very cool game "apps." We experience luck again as another student joins our team. We won't use graphics nor animation except for a few line graphs and tables, but our game sure makes numbers look nice. I look forward to recompiling on an older server class workstation that sees new life as a system testing workhorse. It is a very accurate super calculator. This may make the delta between hunt-and-peck and carpet bombing different parameter time-frames converge in my finite lifetime. Plus it can work while I sleep. The cold weather in southern California feels like it makes inside work more collegial.

Thank you for your clear explanations and illustrations of the topics we experience.

At lunch, I read parts of your new book's website. Again, thank you for your clear writing and the positivity that permeates your presentation of topics. I reflect on a quote I believe I may have read in Market Wizards years ago, about how losing traders don't want to transform themselves, and how transformation is what winning traders do. I reflect on the hope that those who read your new book, who may experience losing in some way, may become aware of the ever present opportunities to transform in the now.

Serendipity tends to have good timing.

Dec 3, 2013

TSP Missing Items

Dear Ed:

I head a group for my final project writing backtesting program in C++. I have enough luck to sell others on the idea and work in a group. This situation pleases me more than working on the project for trading by myself.

I have a dual role: one role is to communicate an overview of important aspects of trading to my colleagues and the second role is to lead the scope of the project and organize each partner's modular parts of the code.

My snapshot is to replicate the s and p data (to the penny) and once that is complete run iterations of the system with changing parameters. We have a short timeframe to complete it based on requirements for the course. At any time I leave myself to reduce the scope of the project so that we have a working code and everyone receives satisfactory credit for the project. I am happy to complete the details of the project on my own if that is the case. I want to complete it all with others if we can do so.

Some of the links on the TSP (Trading Systems Project) on the Seykota.com website are not highlighted (I mean do not have active links), and for our purposes seem very interesting. In addition, at the end of the testing procedure you had some allusions to information on shorting, multiple instruments. My take on that is it was forthcoming.

I am curious about this information and would like to look at it. If those parts are indeed not on the site can you let me know where I could find them? If they are not there because the idea was to have your readers contribute then please let me know and I would be happy to contribute what we do to that area of your site. I know that the last contributions were some years ago. Would you be willing to reopen that area now?

Thanks for reading. I look forward to hear back from you.

Dec 3, 2013

Freedom from the Past

Dear Ed:

Henri Nouwen wrote the book The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom.

In it he wrote the following:

"The years that lie behind you, with all their struggles and pains, will in time be remembered only as the way that led to your new life. But as long as the new life is not fully yours, your memories will continue to cause you pain. When you keep reliving painful events of the past, you can feel victimized by them. . . ."

Perhaps there are two ways of telling our stories. One way is to keep returning to it because we see our present suffering as a result of our past experiences. The other would be to see the story from a place where it no longer dominates us. Consequently, we speak about it with a certain distance and see it as a way to our present freedom.

Surely, we all must want freedom from our past painful experiences. I want freedom. Doesn't freedom lead us to our future?

I wonder if this is what you're trying to teach us through your works?

Dec 3, 2013

Calmer - Better with the Kids - Less Chest Tightness

Hi Ed

On the thanksgiving day, I had a deep sense of gratitude this year as a lot of things have happened in the past year that I am thankful for.

There are a few people that I am most thankful for this year. One is you for conducting the workshop - it has helped me in more ways than just trading. My wife keeps mentioning the fact that since coming from the workshop I have been so much better at working with the kids and am usually calmer than before.

I have also noticed that when I am working on the historic market data for analyzing various systems I don't have the tightness in the chest (I will not say that it is completely gone but way less than it used to be before) and feel better with the approach that I have now. So, just wanted to say THANK YOU for everything.

Kind Regards

Dec 3, 2013

Important Work

Dear Ed,

Thank You for this important TTP work!

Regards,

Dec 3, 2013

Weight on Chest

Dear Ed,

I am suffocating. I feel a huge burden on my chest and I can't seem to breath. I want to run away - but I have nowhere to go.... And I have my children to take care of. I don't know what to do... I am praying for guidance and I hope I take the path that leads to happiness. I am so sad and scared.

Thank you for listening to me.

Yours truly.

I wanted to share some thoughts from the recent meeting of the [City] Tribe on 17th November.

We have a small group of three but things are starting to work out. We had some small drums and even a cardboard box which, whilst primitive, allowed a unique noise to fill the room.

I had what my CM considers an unusual experience. During our first session I felt a strong feeling in my throat where noise needed to come out. My CM couldn't rationalise why and I had great heaving strentches and contortions as well. As we explored in our second session I felt a strong urge to lie down. I have already done some Breathwork during which I had a strong feeling of floating in a valley with what I can only describe as `energy` pouring out of me through my arms and legs.

This state made me feel much more comfortable and I began some forms and to see if I could revisit the place I had been to before in my mind and understand it more. As we went through the forms I became more and more distant from my CM and then whilat making some forms one of my Tribe said I should move my right arm more and swing it - make it bigger. Little did I know I started laughing - uncontrollably - I mean really laughing. Laughing so much infact my sides hurt. Tears rolled down my face. My CM began to realise that laughing was good and yet, with it, I had intense opposite feelings of sadness.

Tears of joy were rolling down my face and yet deep within me sadness consumed me and was what I felt. I am still trying to understand exactly what happened, I don't know why this happened or have an issue with it, but I would like to discover more. However, I now feel calmer than I have felt in several years and felt very still after the meeting for several days.

The [City] tribe continues - we have a strong trio, great trust exists between us, and we hope to have others join us. The experiences I am having are profound. Thank you for providing me a path to start discovering them.

Dec 3, 2013

First Client

Hi Chief,

I call my friend today and he is excited about my plan and wants to be my first client. I feel that I immediately become a fund manager now. Now I am starting to serve my friends. It's cool feeling. I feel I am a captain and responsible for the crew. I am starting to write the agreement.

Thanks for the tip,

Dec 3, 2013

Tribe Report - Asking for What You Want

Ed,

I attend the last 2013 meeting of the Austin Trading Tribe on November 21st.

We do a feelings check-in and then report successes.

I report being completely in sync with my models and that this is feels good & relaxing.

Two tribe members arrive late and we individually acknowledge our intentions for them to be late.

I record: Intentions = Results. Is there something that you want that you won't ask for? I only have a problem if I have a clear goal that I'm having trouble achieving. I have to have a vision of what I want to accomplish. I remember from "Think & Grow Rich" that "A burning desire to be and to do is the starting point of all achievement."

As we continue to talk about problems, Ed develops tonight's theme: "Asking clearly for what you want."

As we talk about asking for what you want, "Why" questions come up. "Why did you…? Why didn't you…?" Ed remarks that asking your kids "Why" questions teaches them to make excuses.

One tribe member (Hotseat, HS) is concerned about his daughter "not trying" at tennis lessons.

We explore this and develop that his father was very demanding: everything must be done right – handling tools, shining shoes, etc.

We give him a new resource, sharing feelings, as a way of interacting with his daughter. We have another tribe member role play his daughter as he picks her up from tennis.

I recall HS's first statement as something like: "I noticed you weren't trying." An awkward silence follows. I feel that old behaviors can be hard to retrain.

An experienced tribe member leans in and suggests to the HS: "So tell me how you feel about tennis." "I want to hear what you have to say about tennis." The conversation begins to flow. "I wonder what you would like to do." "I want to hear more about what you have to say about tennis." Tribe members suggest that he acknowledge and thank his daughter every time she shares feelings & wishes with her Dad.

The conversation continues and the daughter opens up and shares how she feels and what she'd like to do.

We wrap up the process and discuss it: Share feelings. Thank people for sharing their feelings. Get them to share more with "I'd like to know more about…" and "I wonder what you would like." Get information gently, without asking questions.

After the meeting I work on one of my goals, learning the R language for back testing. I ask the R-project Search Engine (http://rseek.org/) for what I want and 3 R packages are quickly identified: "backtest", "portfolioSim" and "PA-Charts" (Performance Analytics). Asking clearly feels good.

Dec. 1, 2013

Austin Tribe Report: Father-Daughter Dynamics

Dear Ed,

The final meeting of the Austin Tribe is memorable and enlightening. In fact, new insights are bubbling up from Fred even now, a week later.

A member shares his ideas about possibly not deserving greater success, relating it to his low self-esteem. Yet in the same conversation he states that he believes himself to be "smarter than 99% of the people in the room" during meetings at his company.

We all muddle around trying to find an issue to grab hold of, when suddenly the TM [Tribe Member] mentions noticing his 7 year-old daughter "not trying" during a tennis lesson and how he wants to help her to "try harder". The energy in the room palpably increases. I, for one, find myself very interested in this little girl and her relationship with her dad.

To the apparent confusion of the TM, his drive home from the tennis lesson with his daughter becomes the subject of the role play. I don't think we all know "why", we just know that's where the action is. I am gripped with an almost overwhelming desire to play the little girl, and just about jump out of my chair to volunteer when the time comes.

TM tells us that he and his wife want their daughter to do "something" in sports, but that she seems to keep losing interest. She has now expressed an interest in tennis, so they have her in tennis lessons three times a week. He observes her dawdling and not cooperating with the coach during her lesson, and wants to talk with her about what her problem is with tennis.

He starts by asking me, "Why weren't you trying during your lesson? I thought you liked tennis." I have no idea what to say to that, and I know I am in trouble, so I shrug my shoulders, sink lower in my seat, and mumble, "I don't know." The conversation goes downhill from there, with TM attempting to share feelings by saying he is "frustrated", which I don't know exactly what that means except that I am definitely in trouble. I stop talking altogether and feel utterly miserable.

TM is sincerely distraught by his "failure" (his word) to be a decent parent. He is challenged for willingness to go forward and he says he wants to but he is really afraid that he will have no idea of what to do. His anguish over not being good enough is so clear as to be heart-breaking. He has convinced me that he will fail when we try again. I feel sad, and afraid for him.

His distress leads to forms of clenching his fist, squinting his eyes and rubbing his head. He amplifies these forms and reports a feeling of being surrounded by the voice of his father, from all directions, telling him he has not done something correctly. His father comes home from work and goes into a litany of the numerous chores TM has either failed to do or done inadequately, like mow the yard or take out the trash. His father finds fault with everything and wants it all done to his standards of perfection.

The process manager has four tribe members stand around TM and yell at him about the things he has done imperfectly. Then his mother arrives to provide him with a rock that helps her cope with her demanding husband: just be quiet, shut down, try harder but don't rock the boat, don't argue or disagree. TM takes the rock and uses it to cope with the four fathers.

PM [Process Manager] then appears with the Heart Rock. He offers TM some ideas about how to share feelings with these fathers, who have now dwindled to two, one on each side of him. Amazingly, as TM keeps thanking them for sharing their feelings and asking them to tell him more, these tough guys start to crack. One starts to share how he worries that the neighbors will see the uneven grass in the front lawn and think he didn't teach his son how to mow correctly. The other seems to become confused as he gets in touch with feelings of sadness and not being a very good father since his son won't do what he wants.

As always, I am amazed to see the organic changes that occur in the role plays as sharing feelings replaces the enacting of defensive patterns. Yet I still wonder what my "Dad" will do differently when we replay our ride home from the tennis lesson.

He is awesome! I can't explain it or even describe it very well. He seems actually interested in how I feel, not just in delivering the "Dad lecture" about trying harder. I find myself opening up to him, telling him I am worried that he and Mommy will be mad if I don't want to do tennis three times a week. I tell him I wish we could all just go knock the ball around for fun once in a while instead of having to be so serious. I tell him I feel bad that I'm not always that good at tennis, that my friend is better and that the coach yells at me. He seems to be saying "Yes" to everything, completely okay with whatever I am saying. Not once does he tell me how I should feel or what I "need to" do. I am ecstatic.

At the time, I feel happy to perhaps have facilitated TM's relationship with his daughter. It has taken me over a week to realize that the conversation we have in the role play is the exact conversation I wish I had, but never had, with my own father.

Wanting to please our parents is normal, I believe, but now I am learning that pleasing them by being ourselves rather than trying to "accomplish" things is the win-win solution we all are seeking.

Once again TTP shines a light on a pathway to wholeness and true connection with others. I feel very fortunate to find my way to this incredible process.

Thanks for hosting the meetings and joining us in furthering the growth of the TTP technology. It changes my life.

Dec 1, 2013

Workshop Follow-Up: Re-Balancing Work and Relationships

Ed,

I lose momentum on my project during the last month, giving more priority to work (in part due to weekly business trips) and also spend more time with family. It is my intention not to complete the final draft deliverables by now, contrary to what I declare in my last update.

I also find the task of back-testing and finalizing my system requires more work than I expect, and feel that I might be pushing myself too much with a self imposed launch deadline of January 1st. Launching my Asset Management business is important, but I realize it is not urgent, and has a lower priority than my health, family and work - therefore, I choose to eliminate "dates" from my project plan (and bring everything into the now).

My project plan remains the same but, without the dates, becomes more of a "Work-in-progress" and "Completed" set of Action Items.

I intend to continue sending my updates to you on the first of every month. I realize that this is a bit different than my initial agreement with all of you (to provide a final launch update by January 1st) - so I'd like to check if you agree to continue on my Support Team through receiving updates beyond January 1st. In case you no longer wish to receive these updates, please let me know.

Meanwhile, I do make some progress with back-testing and attach additional results, including a foray into fixed fractional position sizing in accordance with my trading system hypothesis. I feel optimistic, but not rushed, and enjoy back-testing more and more with every passing hour! I recall that this is something I "hate" doing for many years, but now, it begins to feel like a real pleasure : )

I appreciate any and all feedback that you might have on the, few, updated slides that I attach.

On a personal note, I feel very close to my wife and spend a lot more quality time with my children (since coming back from the workshop). I prioritize time with family ahead of personal "outings." My work progresses very well also: I am offered a promotion, and my relationship with the Partners at our firm improves considerably too - or rather, I find myself feeling a lot more confident and comfortable around them.

We continue with our Tribe Meetings here on a monthly basis.

Best regards,

Dec 1, 2013

Tribe Report - Developing Patience

Hi Ed,

We meet again now the tribe missing one member on holiday. We are a small group of three and we decide to do a 2 people meeting.

I think it is not ideal as there may not be critical mass for a role play.

I arrive on time as it is our intention.

We discuss a lot the topic of meditation and about some frustrations a member had on this area, but now he feels more convinced about the subject and after doing some research on the topic he confirms what he already knows and there is nothing he is missing on the subject.

We get down into business and start the drumming which I really feels a lot relaxed and really enjoy it. We check in and share thoughts and feelings.

We do a progress report and both members report progress and consistence, but me in particular report a feeling of anxiety regarding results that are not showing at the desired speed.

I volunteer to be on the HS.

I complain about job being a drag at the moment and without much motivation and also projects that I am consistently working on the side are not yielding much results in the short term. At least I would expect some early results to keep in plodding along to greater results and that is VERY frustrating.

I start to show form in my breath and puff and sigh a lot and intensify the feeling and I stop talking and get encouraged to really experience my feelings to the point the feeling dissolve and I get to zero point. To one extent I get relaxation and to another I feel that I missed the opportunity to work on rocks process.

I stay relaxed for and takes a while and to get my energy together again to share an aha regarding my need for patience. I recall a fellow member mentioning a quote from FAQs that "Patience is sometime the best short-cut". At least from memory is what I recall. I understand that the positive intention of my anxiety is to exercise my patience.

On the next day I receive an e-mail from my fellow tribe friend encouraging me that if I am willing to exercise my patience I emerge as a winner on the long run regarding my trading.

I feel confident.

On Saturday I decide to use my whipper sniper to clean my back yard pavement and also cut the grass. I really struggle to replace the line and I end up hurting my nail as a result. That was a real challenge to exercise my patience. That usually do not happen and the process goes smoothly. I try to start the line trimmer twice and the line got sucked in. I really start to lose my patience with the machine and wonder what makes me intending this. Then I don't give up until I get it done. I keep on doing it and suddenly I figure out I had one part flipped around on the unintended way to cut straight and I wanted to cut curved I quickly adjust the line and start using the trimmer then I manage to finish the job without getting the line sucked in just in time for lunch.

I also complete a major project on Saturday night.

On Sunday I go through my notes on my moleskine as a moment of introspection in search of some inspiration and come across the following quote from Catherine Ponder

"Success has a way of coming in a hurry after a "long haul" of plodding along quietly. As you persist toward your goal, get ready for fast, exiting, success-filled results"

Best Regards