Ed Seykota's FAQ
Sep 10, 2013
Tribe Report: Relationship Dynamics
It's only been five days since our sixth Tribe meeting, yet it seems like it was a long time ago.
As now seems to be the norm, our initial go-around reveals a common theme among those who want to work: how to listen to women's feelings. Two members have wives who complain that their husbands are insensitive to their needs; a third, who is struggling with a new relationship, states his issue as "wanting to have more sex", although he has yet to have any at all with the new woman and reports that they have now stopped seeing each other.
The process manager (PM) begins working with each of the two husbands to discern what they are willing to work on. One, who actually chose to miss the last meeting in order to show respect for his wife on their 22nd wedding anniversary, seems to prefer to talk about his issues with trading and supposedly wants a more steady, less volatile, life by changing the way he trades.
PM works for a while with the trading issues, including having the group study charts of the member's recent trades, before deftly turning the member back to his marriage by suggesting that if he can learn to calmly listen to his wife express her feelings, the Tribe might be more convinced that he actually wants a calmer life. So far, nobody really believes him, and after we all share our impressions, he does not really believe himself either.
I am intrigued by the way that PM connects the member's trading behavior back to his relationship with his wife and, in effect, places the personal relationship issues at the core of everything else. He also uses the prescription of talking to the wife as a willingness test for this member. We will see what happens next, but for the time being the group moves on to the next husband.
This member describes his interactions with his wife as if he were a preoccupied parent dealing with an increasingly hysterical child. He experiences her as demanding his attention whenever she needs it and as being oblivious to the fact that he is trying to get his work done. (He works at home, which in my opinion is a recipe for disaster in all but the most harmonic, or avoidant, marriages!)
As PM tests for willingness, the member says he wants to change things for the sake of his 4 year-old son, with whom he identifies. Oddly, he does not mention his older daughter or have any concern that his marital problems may be affecting her. Perhaps he feels that since she is female, she will just identify with her mother (though why he would want that for her is also a mystery).
The Tribe has mixed feelings about whether he is willing to change, but as he expresses his frustration with the situation he begins to rub his face and we encourage him to amplify his movements. He quickly develops a number of forms, including coughing, rubbing his legs, crouching over and covering his face. PM freezes him and he reports a memory of being in a police station, where first two policemen, and then his mother, are yelling at him.
Developing the scene, he tells us that he and a friend were playing a prank and a younger boy got hurt, although it seems like it was a very minor injury (a rope burn) and that nobody thought much of it. Unfortunately, the younger boy was the police chief's son, and through a chain of communication from the boy to his mother to her husband (the chief) to the two policemen to HS's mother, HS ends up down at the station being taught a lesson.
HS reports feeling mortified, frightened, betrayed by his mother, and humiliated at school the next day. He completely shuts down and wants to run away, which turns out to be a behavior he learned from watching his mother deal with his angry father. We run the scenario several times with PM eventually acting as a surrogate for HS in order to demonstrate sharing feelings rather than shutting down as a way of responding. This process is very moving and seems to lead to an AHA for HS as he sees that shutting down and running away leads people to come after you even more aggressively.
I want to comment on my part in the role-play, because it allows me to express the frustration and desperation women sometimes feel when they try to get a response from their husbands and none is forthcoming. I play the wife of the police chief. I am very upset that my son has been victimized, especially since I feel that he (and I) should have some kind of protected, if not exalted, status in the community.
My husband, the chief, seems almost bored with my concerns, like he wants no part of my feelings. Later, the Tribe member playing the chief says he was really at a loss for what to do to help me to calm down, but in the actual interaction I have no sense that he even cares what I am feeling. I see myself badgering him, yelling at him, feeling more and more out of control as I sense his unwillingness to acknowledge my feelings.
This Rocks Process feels quite successful to me, as it results once again in the transformation of the role-players out of their original angry or intimidating roles. The policemen become more empathetic, HS's mother is less condemning, and even the kid who teases HS at school the next day quickly runs out of things to say when HS doesn't run away. HS simply agrees with him that it was quite an experience and laughs that he now knows who the police chief's son is. This transformational aspect of the Rocks Process continues to amaze me.
The final issue of the evening gives me a chance to inject some "female" perspective into a conversation that, I think, does not happen very often in mixed company: male performance anxiety. (Women have it, too, but it is easier for us to fake performance, sadly).
I am able to make two points that I believe are valid for many women, though not all. First, I say that a man sharing feelings, even if they are feelings of insecurity or fear, can be very meaningful to a woman and can actually elicit support rather than rejection. Second, I tell the Tribe member who has pulled away from his new relationship out of uncertainty, that women expect a man to make the first move and if he doesn't, they often blame themselves or feel he is just not attracted to them. It's possible that she is backing away also, interpreting his hesitance as disinterest.
I feel very fortunate to be a female in a group of men who are committed to openness and sharing feelings. It will probably spoil me for any future relationships with ordinary men! But it's worth it, since it is highlighting for me the importance of the way I communicate as well, and is making me much more conscious of trying to share feelings and to ask for feelings in return.
My senses seem heightened now, especially to relationships between men and women. I feel affection toward my fellow Tribe members for their willingness to share their feelings, especially their confusion, about how to communicate with women.
My work in therapy with couples has taken on a vitality and a sense of humor and freedom that I have not felt before. I am seeing quite a few couples, which I used to dread because it was such hard work. Now it feels more like an adventure to me.
I am eager to see and experience the ripples of this Tribe session.
|Thank you for sharing your process, for documenting the meeting - and for raising the issue of relationship dynamics.
In the control-centric model, relationship partners look for effective ways to blame and control each other.
In the intimacy-centric model, they listen to each other and come to see the relationship as a dynamic feedback system, in which each person continually changes the other. They look for effective policies that they might employ to move the relationship to a higher level.
Sep 10, 2013
I thank you for your reply.
I'd like to offer a brief take on my experience in day trading, in some relation to a recent mail from a dissatisfied day trader.
Being busy for long hours as you likely got accustomed to be in your previous job is the first factor that drives a new trader to try to do something as often as... It is initially quite difficult to grasp that doing nothing is a part of the new job, and not a pleasant one at all ... very hard in fact...
Second, you read Reminiscences - which cautions you to hold your horses in your drive to be active - but you think ... wait a moment, I can do it! I want to be the one who beats the market every day, I have the technology which was unavailable to Jesse, and I am getting better at this every day!
Third, your mother in law or someone else - you, most likely - expects great things to happen the next month or most importantly some good things to happen e v e r y month. I've had three losing months in a row this year and am more solvent than ever before.
I worked hard at it, I had some methods early that would work but I strived for more. And one needs to stabilize a method to become proficient at its application. I was on a bloody search for a method that fits my psyche.
PS. Working on this psyche at the same time. A speculator has many enemies within that need to be avoided or befriended.
|Thank you for sharing your take on your experience.
|Sep 10, 2013
Good morning Mr. Seykota,
I'm a trader from five years and apart a brief illusion of gain, at the end I lose money. I'm essentially a day trader, but I'm realizing that this is not for me because it is very stressful.
Can you suggest me in what way I can built a good trading plan?
On the web there are a lot of books: what of these are you would advice me?
Thank you for sharing your process and for raising the issue of resources for recovering day traders.
I view day trading as largely medicinal, useful as excitement to distract you from having to deal with deeper issues.
As such, before you start studying system design, you might consider engaging some form of personal introspection, such as TTP or therapy or talking deeply and intimately with a friend you trust about your situation.
|Sep 10, 2013
Pre-Breath Work Tribe Meeting
Hope all is well with you. I am coming to the Breath-work weekend and wonder if the Austin Tribe holds a tribe meting on Thursday September 26th. If so I would like to attend. I am a former Austin Tribe member (Spring 2011). It would be great to be a part of the meeting once again. My intentions are to meet other likely minded individuals, learn, have fun and support others.
Sep 9, 2013
Tribe Report - Receiving Women
I had the pleasure of attending the tribe meeting in Austin. It was nice to catch up with you and some old friends. Somehow several member of the tribe wanted to work on the same issue, roughly speaking, receiving women.
Ed talked this over with several various members and then asked one member to pitch me on his investment company. I didn't really understand why me until later. The member started his pitch and it sounded pretty good. Then I couldn't help asking piercing questions and looking for weaknesses in his product. This process comes so natural to me I didn't even know I was doing it, its like auto pilot for me. Perhaps this comes from years of studying philosophy and the Socratic method or my strong urge to discover truth. After it was over you mentioned that you picked me on purpose because you knew I would be hard to pitch. In this way you orchestrated a lesson to the pitcher and the pitchee at the same time, pretty cool.
I thought quite a bit about my style of interaction and came to the conclusion that it works very well in business because I can quickly find and eliminate weaknesses, but not so well in marriage.
After this you talked to a few tribe members about various issues then I took the hot seat. The tribe started yelling at me and I took on various forms such as covering my face with my hands, rubbing my legs, crouching into a ball and turning away, deep painful coughs and emotional crying. I wanted so badly to get away from the tribe, but I just crunched up in a ball and shut down.
Eventually you froze the feeling and I kept thinking about this situation where I was yelled at in the police station when I was 12 y/o. You asked me if I wanted to change my reaction and I said yes, then you went around the room and asked the tribe if they believed me. Some said yes some said no.
I defined my problem as I don't listen (receive) to my wife, when she talks to me I shut down or run away. You drilled down about if I wanted to change and what exactly my goal for change was. My goal was to listen to my wife even when she is angry and emotional and all over the place. My primary motivation for doing this was my son. I don't want to be a bad roll model for my son. I revealed that I care more about my son then myself and fixing myself is for my son's benefit. Some question the truth of this, but I still believe this is true for me.
We did a roll play that involved the entire tribe acting as police, parents other kids etc. It was painful to relive the police yelling at me the first time. The second time I went through it you gave me a new 'rock' in order to allow me to act a new way. Rather then shutting down and looking away and crying when I get to my breaking point this time I looked the police officers in the eye and listened to what they were saying and tried to get their feelings.
Once the officers were able to transfer their feelings from themselves to me they couldn't help having compassion for me because they saw what they were feeling in me. A connection was made and the abuse stopped.
At the start of this new process I stumbled because I just didn't know how to do that. Taking in others feelings and residing with them is completely new to me. In fact I've spent most of my life dodging others feelings. People want me to get their feelings so they turn up the volume and I have to then try harder to get away, this is a repeating process in my life.
I guess at the core of this all is the reality that I'm not comfortable with my own feelings so there is no way I could ever be comfortable with others. I've spent most of my life avoiding feelings as much as possible because they are scary. I also fear my feelings because at a deep level I'm suspicious that if I let go and the feelings get very strong that I might loose control and do something I really regret. In other words I think if I let my feelings flow I will end up killing someone. This fear controls me.
When I saw Ed model me with the police yelling at him and he began to feel the sadness and stay with it something clicked in my head, maybe this is mirror neurons, but seeing it did something more then all the talk had done to that point. Something deep in my mind outside of my ability to control changed right then.
That night I started to entertain the idea I could ride the completely unpredictable and out of control roller coaster of my feelings. I realized my obsession with controlling the world around me was nothing more then my attempt to control the world inside me. I had to control and minimize my interactions with people because I couldn't handle the emotions these interactions stirred.
I realized just how great the fear of my own feelings are, so great this fear has been running my whole life.
The next morning I was awash in realizations about both the inside and outside world and excited to go home and listen to my wife. The first night I got home we got the kids to bed around 8:30 and sat down on the couch. My wife started to open up to me about topics across the board. The first hour I was engaged and responsive, the second hour my endurance was fading but I worked very hard to stay attentive, by the third hour my head was on her lap and I was in a epic battle to keep my eyes open. On and on my wife went about this crazy lady and that situation her feelings and what did I think? At three and half hours I could stay awake no more.
My family went bike riding for the first time in year the next day, we had a wonderful time.
Unfortunately, it is not all good news. It seems I am battling with deeply held structures in both myself and my wife. Last night my wife became angry and expelled me from the room so I left, then I realized I was falling back into the old pattern of running away. So I went back into the room and my wife was very angry and said many mean words. It seemed to me like she was saying 'what are you doing? This is not how our arrangement is setup? I get angry and you run away what are you doing here?' She continued to hammer me for hours trying to get me back on 'track'. I didn't leave, I just stayed there and listened and tried to get her feelings, I can't say I was completely successful. I did manage to stay physically present which I feel is a big step in the right direction, but I'm finding these old patterns are not so easy to change. I'm going to stay with it and continue to receive her feelings and communicate mine when possible.
|Thank you for sharing your process and for detailing your implementation of intimacy-centric relating at home.
Sep 9, 2013
Glad You Are Back
Dear Mr. Seykota,
few years ago I bought your book and started to follow your website. Both of them were the big help for me. Then I missed new postings on FAQ for such a long time. Now I am happy that you are back and I can reconnect.
|Thank you for your encouragement.
|Sep 7, 2013
I felt relaxed when we started the tribe meeting. I felt surprised that a person who normally feels stressed at meetings said they felt relaxed.
The tribe member on the hot seat has an issue with his wife. He says that she overwhelms and dumps on him just when he is over whelmed. He can't handle it and shuts down - mostly by leaving the room.
The member works the process and gets to the bottom of this. When he was a kid, he got punished and taken to the police station because he and another person played a prank with the Police Chief's son. He also got teased at school. He responded to these situations by shutting down. This just made the other person in the scene (his mom, the bully, the policemen, the teaser) just act out their roles even stronger.
When he shared his feelings, felt genuine remorse and looked them in their eye - the other person changed. They no longer acted strongly - instead they reacted with empathy. The tribe member has an "aha" about this. He sees that shutting down only causes the sender to send more strongly if he does not receive.
The member finds new ways to interact with his wife with new tools and resources.
I find myself sleepy, tired and at times completely drained during this process. I feel hot. I am not sure what is going on with me, but I just let it me.
During the meeting I have some aha's. I realize my trading issue is around position sizing and money management. When my position is moving in my favor, I get greedy and try to make even more, taking too much risk and making rash decision. I realize that I have to value calmness over profit maximization and this might actually lead to higher profits. Constantly trying to extract the maximum value out of the markets tends to backfire and result in bigger draw downs.
Another Tribe member gets on the hot seat - and shares issues he is having dating. He is fearful of having sex due to performance anxiety. He works on this issue and resolves to not let it affect him and deal with issues if and when they actually do arise.
The Tribe meeting adjourns - I feel thankful to be part of the Tribe.
|Thank you for sharing your process and insights about trading.
Sep 7, 2013
A visitor of our tribe came to visit our last session. Most of us know him from the previous tribe sessions and it was a great feeling to see and visit with him again.
He came with an issue surrounding his wife and his relationship. He made the statement to me before tribe that if his wife could only understand TTP and use it, everything would be much better.
I instantly recalled one of our last tribe sessions where a HS made the same statement. I appreciate the member helping me to realize TTP can be known by only one in the relationship and it can magically be used by the other one.
If someone will receive the others feelings and communicate back with feelings with a sincere desire to feel and understand the other, most likely the other will reciprocate and share feelings.
I found myself getting involved in the HS's process as I became angry while he described the event he recalled while amping up the emotions.
I still don't understand why I became angry. I am slowly piecing things together in my mind that are coming forward because of this process. If I gain clarity I will write FAQ to express my aha with the situation. I would like to express my appreciation to the process manager for recognizing and accepting my anger, allowing me to work through it and to also use it as a point that the HS has the ability to bring these things out of people while in his drama.
When the PM brought up the anger I was expressing I had feelings of fear that I was hurting the HS's process and I was worried I was about to be in trouble.
A tribe member announced last session he wanted to be an animator made tremendous progress in 3 weeks. Purchasing software and hardware he also began drawing his characters and asked for input from the tribe. He seemed to truly be enjoying himself.
Another member announced he has a fund last time. It was great to spend time with him traveling to the meeting and hearing him express the excitement of what has happened in this regard. He mentioned he doubled his first investors money in a very short time and tried to give back his investors money. The investor does not want his money at this time stating he believes in him and is planning to invest over the long term with him.
Before the tribe started the subject of a book and it's author came up. I wanted to write down the name of the author. A tribe member who I have trouble understanding at times mentioned the name and I asked him to repeat it. I tried to pronounce it to get an understanding of of what he was saying. I regret the friend felt I was teasing him and it bothered him.
It is apparent that my friend tries to pronounce well but I seem to have difficulty hearing him. We spoke about it during a break but just briefly. Later in the tribe my friend expressed his feelings to me allowing us to clarify the situation and understand each others feelings.
I was saddened and felt shock in my arms that my friend was feeling hurt from our conversation. I deal with many people that English is not their first language and I have much trouble following them, it is somewhat normal for me and I accept it and try to find a solution to the problem. I want to express my deep respect for my friend. He comes to tribe wanting to work and improve in the ways he wants.
Everyone can tell he comes to tribe prepared and having meditated on what he wants to work on. He is totally open with the tribe with his feelings. During a process he is always encouraging and willing to role-play for the HS's issue. Thank you for allowing me to understand my actions better and to feel the feelings that came with this.
I wish the workshop attendees all the best. I hope everyone gets exactly what they are wanting. Ed may remind me that everyone get what they want anyway! It will be like a doing the Rocks Process in Tribe. If you are willing to do the work and feel the feelings that come up, accept the support of fellow members you will change. And when you change, magically everyone around you changes.
|Thank you for sharing your process and for documenting the meeting.
Sep 5, 2013
Tribe Meeting Report
On Saturday, we (3 people) meet at one of the member's apartment for the Tribe. We have long conversations about how life is. We share thoughts, support and inspire each other during the conversations. Nevertheless, no one is either hot, or has an issue to present. Therefore, we are not able to start the hot seat process. Instead, we talk about the efficiency of the TTP practice we are applying and the conclusions are as follows:
We try to do TTP blindfolded. We haven't participated in any of mature Tribes. We try to get the best out of the book, faq and other materials you share online.
Even with the current material, we still lack enough intention to practice TTP in a good way. For example, one member does the most of the study about TTP and suggests ways to improve the process like buying drums etc. We still don't buy drums.
In previous meeting, we try Rocks Process in a very amateur way. This meeting, the subject of the Rocks Process admits it doesn't work any good for him. Nevertheless, at the conscious level, we all accept that it is very normal to suck at the first time and we should try more and more.
We consider the origin of TTP (which started as a support group between traders) and we ask the question to ourselves: what is my target in life? We agree that without answering this question, or without having a clear intention of achieving any goal, we cannot expect the TTP to help us.
We quickly set up goals and we promise each other to at least follow up what we are doing about these goals. This becomes the biggest outcome of this meeting.
Then I take the hot seat and present some forms. Again, despite the cheering of the receivers, I don't get into any kind of trance and I can't stop paying attention to the surroundings: am I going to hit my feet to the wall (we have a space problem in the apartment)? Do I scream a lot? Do I look funny when I make this form? Do the receivers really support me in cheering? Etc. etc.
I release a tension which I may call "muscle tension" and I am nowhere around the zero point.
My life is not a mess, nor OK either. I am one of the partners of a new company and I am working physically and get tired a lot, although I have an engineering and management background. I have ups and downs during the day time. In brief, I experience emotional unbalance which can be easily identified as an issue for HS. But, last two tribes, I have a kind of fear of going on hot seat and presenting forms.
I also share this with tribe members but I cannot properly reply their questions "What are you afraid of?" It is something fearful. I fear to make that forms because I fear where the form will go or what is behind it. In the end, my HS is limited to release of "muscle tension".
Then another member takes the hot seat. He quickly gets into his signature form, but in the end, he experiences tension relief only.
Sometimes, I think that we might be using tribe as another type of medication. This might be the real case, still it brings many positive things to our lives.
Thank you for sharing this knowledge and your comments / critics about our process is very much appreciated.
Thank you for sharing your process.
In TTP, when someone presents some feelings such as <embarrassment> or <fear>, the other members generally encourage him to get on the hot seat and develop the forms that accompany the feelings.
to describe your thoughts about your fears may have some value. In TTP, however, it draws you into your mind and precludes your developing forms.
|Sep 4, 2013
Wife Breathes Easier
Recently my wife starts to feel out of breath frequently, specially when talking about spending. We know what's happening, for I am not working right now. She is a great woman and never blames me on my decision.
Four month ago I quit my previous job for I really don't like that kind of job any more and get huge frustration not being able to commit enough to trading and trading research. For years I spread myself thin among taking care of children, trying to win in the market and perform on my engineering full time job. And it affect my work performance. I trade small so even I lose slowly, I don't blow my account. But my trading frustration blows my job.
Whenever I sit down at home and want to do some research, my children would come to me and my heart melts. My children are the trades I never want to miss out. Since early this year my tribe work inspires me an Aha that trying to do discretionary and intra-day trades contributes a lot to my frustration and suffering. So I decide to pursue a fully automated system.
I turns down an offer and stop looking for jobs 4 month ago and dedicate myself to trading system research. After 4 month's work, I am able to build a research platform and starting to juggle with different ideas. I feel good about it, even though I haven't tried all my ideas and don't have a 30% compound annual return and 20% max draw down system yet. For sure I am able to find one someday. I also realize that it might take longer time with more work load for me to find a good system.
I appreciate a lot you spending your time talking to me about your system design before I leave after last tribe meeting. Even for a short conversation, you are able to help me to clear 3 of my confusions in my system design. I can't imagine I can have opportunity to talk about system design with somebody like you.
A week after I come back, I start to put my resume online. Instead of soothing my wife's suffering, I'd rather to work on improving the underlying situation. Now I have an offer sitting on my desk and few others coming. I can see my wife feeling relief, even though she think I am selling myself a little cheap. |=)
Now she is going back to [Country] at mid Sept. and the Monday after she goes back, I go back to work. A nice coincidence.
The company who gives me the offer wants me to sign today and cancel all other interviews. They know they are the first offer and they are pushing me and I feel pressed, no exit, my hands tied and immobilized. It's a permanent job, somehow I like the environment and people there. But I am thinking of looking for some temporary contract job too, so I can start to build my connection for a consulting career. I have two interviews today and tomorrow for consulting opportunity. I am feeling like a trader who holds a losing trade for 4 month and start to see reversal to break even and wants to sell off right away to feel safe. I fell a invisible hand pulling things out of my stomach, a little suffocation, and fear of giving back the offer / profit.
Anyway after I join the Austin tribe, things starts to spin. I find a good [Nationality] PT and my back feel more relaxed the day before my first trip to Austin, and I find a job not that stressful and closer to home after my 2nd TT meeting, so I can continue my trading system research after work. I still have fear I might go back to previous cycle and my trading system research stalls forever after I go back to work. But I am willing to bring it to both Austin and my local tribe to work on my issue.
|Thank you for sharing your process and insights.
Sep 2, 2013
Thank you for you website and for your thoughts in Market Wizards (I've read them over and over and over).
For better or worse, I have fallen into an intense study of emotions, balance, subconscious, and community as a necessary part of my end goal: contentment.
I feel that this goal has been accelerated by experiences derived by secondary goals, especially self-taught transition from value investing to full-time trading, and was hoping that you might steer me toward a few resources.
Due to the survival nature of my choices, my focus has been narrowed dramatically and I feel success in contentment will multiply across other areas of my life.
Basically, I recognize my past self destructive patterns and have engaged meditation, self-love, emotional releasing, forgiveness and concentration as means to allow natural talent and desire to outweigh fear / greed / other emotions.
I am wondering if you might have any specific recommendations on literature which I can borrow from the library which might give additional insight into living a balanced life, free of unnecessary emotions.
Again, I am a self-taught, independent trader who has realized that my successes / failures are limited to my beliefs on the world around me when I am not working (or working).
Regardless, I do not uncovered a lot of mentoring resources here in Denver, Colorado, esp. ones that value being a whole / natural / balanced person and am hoping that you might share any insights which you have on this front.
I typically spend 1 - 3 hours per day working toward accepting the world as it is and 6 - 10 hours per day working. The 1 - 3 hours include meditation (was using a Buddhist guide for 21 daily meditations - library book), yoga, an unusual nutrition regime (fermented and raw foods with the occasional treat) and basically trying to be present. I feel that anything you might suggest will only supplement these but I finally decided to reach out in hopes that you might offer a suggestion or two.
Thank you for your time.
Thank you for sharing your process and for raising the issue of "unnecessary emotions."
In TTP we come to celebrate the positive intentions of all feelings and their role in aligning us with right livelihood. In this model, peacefulness and happiness result from accepting all other feelings.
If you prefer the sensicidal route of killing off your feelings, you might consider alcohol, Seroquel and death, possibly in that order.
Sep 1, 2013
A lot of water continues to flow down the Ganges...
I contemplate a great deal about TTP : shortly after the beginning of your "absence", I decide to take a break from the Amsterdam tribe that I co-found and lead for several years.
Recently I rejoin, although I do not really understand why : superficially, I have some good reasons. The bank drama that I appear to create and which continues to unfold generates plenty of feelings typically labelled as "very unpleasant". So I feel them and life flows ever onwards. My primary relationship remains a work in process, but that seems to be its nature.
I ask myself if one can change anything ? I understand that acting as if one can make changes is very useful for maintaining mental well-being & balance... but is it true ? More & more, my simple observation is that it is not. Life is just happening. "My Life" is just happening. Included in all this is people trying to be responsible, irresponsible, neither, etc etc. It doesn't mean that nobody will be responsible & strive for the good of others : clearly many do.
I see & feel great liberation in just letting go. Does this mean I stop striving in my fight against a corrupt bank, or stop trying to make financial ends meet ... or stop taking the Hot Seat? Of course not – but the difference is that by letting go it becomes effortless as I no longer hold onto the outcome even though it is in my nature to be relentlessly persistent in achieving desired outcomes. It's something to do with wanting what is – whether I like it or not. I feel immense love & gratitude for this precious life & all the amazing people & situations within it (including you, dear Ed).
Whilst writing, here's a link someone sent me last week of some banjo playing I enjoy and also share, as I think of you as I watch it : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J4wW4ym9y4
|Thank you for sharing your process and insights.
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