(Quotes from Ed in Red)

Ed Says

Thank you for sharing your process.

When I sent to FAQ the attached question, I was writing about getting what I want in the context of relationships. As a matter I have always been puzzled about this simple, yet elementary truth, which I do believe, that we always get what we want, although I also think that sometimes such a wish is unconscious.

When I wrote you that question I was dating a girl and I was not quite satisfied with the relationship. We eventually broke up and I am now dating another girl. Although I am generally satisfied with this current relationship, it still doesn't quite correspond to the kind of relationship I have always dreamed of. I feel myself relentless in the quest to prove to myself that I do can get what I want, esp. in relationships and family matters, and my current feeling is that I didn't get yet exactly what I want.

I was grown up with rigid education about how to treat a woman right, about how to be romantic to a woman, etc. Eventually I got frustrated out of some rejections and mishaps and ended up feeling unsuccessful with women and as if only jerks get what they want with regard to women, while nice guys finish last and only get the leftovers, or the ugly, etc.

I do understand today that there are a lot of misconceptions about this limiting belief as a lot of nice guys (and nice girls as well) usually lack self-confidence, an optimistic attitude towards relationships and are usually also dreadfully afraid of rejection. On the other hand, nice girls who usually fall prey to the typical jerk are not so nice and/or romantic, or perhaps exhibit co-dependent behavior. Moreover, there are healthy nice guys and girls out there who are getting what they want and deserve from their relationships.

As a side note, I have made a research about books and sites on the subject and I have found the following:

1 - a (probably frustrated) women's site devoted to bashing nice guys and their behavior which they do not consider so nice and attractive. As I see it, trying to transfer their frustration to nice guys won't help fix their attraction to jerks.

2 - a site from [Name] a self-proclaimed guru on picking-up women which basically teaches nice guys how to deal with women like a real man. As I see it, the material helps the nice guy go through the process of converting to a wholesome jerk. It encourages, as I see it, a lot of disrespectful and controlling behavior towards women. There are some valid advice though, to nice, timid guys, like encouraging them to go for what they want and express their sexual feelings or intention to women.

3  - site dedicated to demystify a lot of limiting beliefs of "seduction communities" and encourages guys to be themselves, know and go for what they want.

4 - a 30-day program with a lot of exercises to help the guy to transform himself or exhibit or fake the traits of the ideal lover a woman wants and get laid as a result. It encourages what some people call the indirect approach, with a lot of techniques, memorized lines of speech, behavioral tricks, etc. It's often referred to as pick-up art.

5 - Upfront and Straightforward - Alan Roger Currie: I like this book because it exposes how nice guys can be so indirect, indecisive and communicate and behave in a weak and ineffective way towards women, always hiding their feelings or trying to flatter their egos in order to obtain sex, in a way that either sabotages their intentions and make them easy prey to abusive women. It encourages men to be upfront and straightforward to women about their feelings and welcome rejection as God's protection. The author states that non-abusive women which are genuinely interested in the nice guy will reciprocate his approach. As such it's akin to trend following in relationships.

Of the aforementioned material, I like the most the books by Alan Roger Currie and the philosophy of the "Attraction Institute" because they approach dating in a natural way similar to trend following and the TTP.

I have also ordered some books which I think are more in line with what I think about relationships and the romance and intimacy I want for myself and also because I believe and understand that I have to be able to offer women what I want from them: For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women, How to Romance the Woman You Love - The Way She Wants To, and Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man.

So, I wonder: perhaps I don't get exactly what I want because I don't know exactly what I want and don't go for it? What do you think?

You might consider telling your current girlfriend what you want in a relationship and also ask her what she wants.

You share you give your son a toy dump truck or something like that. You say when you give it…it is his. If he leaves it outside, destroys it, gives it away it matters not to you because it is his and he has permission to “own” the dump truck. I recall my relationship with my father. I can own nothing growing up. Anything of “mine” can be taken away at any moment and is not “mine”…it is all his. When he gives, it is conditional and is therefore never given. I hate the feeling of the rug coming out from under me…that is what it feels like when something is supposedly mine but is jerked back on a whim.

In regards to trading, I do not trust. Rule number one is “Ride Your Winners” which implies just sit there and let the market or universe give you “love” or “positive return” or whatever you want to call it. I am afraid to accept it. I feel guilty accepting it. I feel somehow it will be taken away from me anyway so why not beat it to the chase. There is the element of control I know here. I am afraid, therefore I want to control the situation so I cannot be hurt…or perhaps, so I can be hurt, over and over again. Ahhh, the feeling of my father taking away what I love, what is mine over and over again. I love this feeling. I must also love screwing up so the market can tell me over and over again, just like my father…see, you’re a loser.

Ed,

Congratulations on your move to Austin.

Topics to discuss

TEDxCharlesRiver event I am brewing
System dynamics modeling of Agile practices with team psychological safety state variables
Scrum coaching re: SVO-p, intentions=results, here-and-now

You might like to send progress reports to this site as you progress.

Dear Support Team,

I notice my intention and commitment is now an integral part of me and my life.

Thank you Ed for sharing this technology.

Thank all of you for your support.

OK.

Mr. Seykota:

I hope that this letter finds you in the best of health and times. I just wanted to thank you for being an inspiration to me. I am at an odd time in my life (introspection and contemplation within myself) and reading details about what you have accomplished (and I am sure they don’t give justice to all that you have done) in the trading world have truly inspired me. For that, I do thank you. I wish you well now and in the future.

If you are ever in [City] do allow me to take you for coffee, breakfast, lunch or dinner – whatever you most enjoy.

Take care always.

I plan to send my commitment from the workshop into FAQ within the week; I look forward to working with my support group and supporting others.

Hi Ed

My feelings about my debt.

I commit to free myself and my family of our debt burden.

I check my budget. This covers the essential re-occurring items.

Ed suggests I take 10% of our earnings and use this to reduce our debt outstanding.

I feel this is a brilliant and simple method that will suit me perfectly.

I decide to implement this plan after our family holiday. I want the family to have a good time and enjoy the holiday.

I try to economize during the holiday without restricting our enjoyment or limit our itinerary.

The holiday adds to our debt burden which is why I decide to implement the plan to clear our debt after the holiday.

We have a great family holiday and upon our return I commit to removing us from debt. I feel positive about our situation and the future.

A few days pass. The weekend arrives.

The car is dirty from driving on unsealed roads during our holiday . I want to wash the car but I am out of car shampoo. I know that there is no allowance to buy this in my budget. I am faced with a dilemma. I know that it is important to take care of the car and wash it, especially the underside of the vehicle, in order to prevent corrosion.

I consider that I have the time now to wash the car. If I don't buy the car shampoo I will be wasting the "now" time and will not be looking after my possessions for the long run. If I spend the money I will be breaking my budget plan / commitment to clear my debt. I can't face not washing the car. It goes against what I feel is the right thing to do. I buy the car wash shampoo and wash the car. I figure I can try to make it up buy cutting out some spending elsewhere.

A few more days pass. The children all decide they would like to take swimming lessons this term.

This expense is not budgeted. I am faced with another dilemma.

It is my right livelihood to support them. I don't have any money in our budget for this. I feel learning to swim is so important it is priceless.

I decide to pay for them to do swimming lessons even though we don't have the money for this, It feels right to support them.

I notice and recognize this is a re-occurring pattern. it also seems to occur with more trivial items which I probably shouldn't buy, such as when I buy my wife and I a cup of coffee whilst walking in the park. I notice that the longer I do without the said cup off coffee or similar item which seems to be the fixation of the moment. The more I seem to desire what I can't have, at some point I eventually crack, have a moment of weakness and buy the item when I shouldn't. I also notice that the less money I have the stronger this feeling seems to be and the more desperate to spend I get and the more reckless my spending behavior seems to become. What is this? Is it greed? If so what is the positive intention of greed or whatever this feeling is?

I’m not sure if it’s connected, I don’t really want to mention it because I believe I am responsible for my own actions. I was raised by a single mother. We never had a lot of money. My Mom would spend the money she should be saving or using to buy essential items such as food, on buying overpriced luxury name brand items for my sister and I whilst forgoing basic essential items for herself. I think this was because she felt guilty for the divorce and that we were being brought up in a broken home with no father and hardly any money.

In the past, when I needed to reduce my debt, I used to be a bit more careful with my spending. This worked fine as I had a much larger disposable income and most of my expenditure was variable. This doesn't seem to work so great now as my expenditure is mostly on fixed items, on a monthly basis, with very little of my expenditure being variable. Reducing my variable expenditure doesn't help much as it's only a tiny fraction of my outgoings.

As I write this, I decide that it is right to support the kids with their activities as it is my role in life to do so. It is right to take care of the car as this should maximize it's long run economic value.

I decide that I will have to keep reviewing the budget plan very closely so at least I know when I am spending money that is not planned. I must very carefully prioritize and only do this under VERY important circumstances.

I must be comfortable with my desire to spend money in order that I do so on only high priority items or perhaps I must try to avoid going to places that will tempt me to spend money.

I will have to review my budget plan more closely.

I will have to trust that my right livelihood will improve my circumstances in the future. I guess it is ok to move move 3 steps forward and 2 back as long as there is some forward movement towards the debt reduction.

My active goals for now are to [1] not bully my kids with orders and commands and [2] practice telling my wife my feelings and asking her to tell me her feelings.

Thank you for sharing your process.

Was wondering if we can in some way work together. I will be in US end of May 10, would like to meet you if you are available. Awaiting your revert.

Thank you for your offer. I'd like to know some more about what you would like to accomplish by working together.

Thoughts on Trend Following

Hi Ed,

Reading your FAQ and other recourses in your web site and of course reading the Chaos theory and other works I found out for myself that the trend following trading is like to separate or determine the regular from irregular (Chaos). Of course in this case it must be mechanically without any subjective opinion. For example taking as tool 100 EMA or 200EMA, other, the trend follower wait as fishermen that situation which will be suit to these let say pattern. Only these. It looks like you put stencil to the chaos.

As trader doesn’t know the result of the order, he also not try to predict what will be .He just does it now. But as he don’t know the result in these case he use money management  Which not let him to lose more during the unsuccessful situation and help him to gain as possible more as move the market.

Dear Ed, I also saw that approximately all successful traders are trend trader in spite of how he declares his trading method. Because there is only one situation in market when trader make money. It is a trend. I would like to have your opinion about above.

Also would like to request you to explain about the time frame.

Thank you, teacher.

On a totally different note, I've seen that in a past FAQ (February 11,2003) you stated that Jesse Livermore suffered from syphilis: can you please quote the source of that information, as on the web I've been unable to find other references to it apart from yours?

f = ma Newton says
f - ma = 0 D'Alembert replys
it is not math what here counts
only philosophy here makes accounts
one is a father of the "causal" stem
the other a forerunner of the "model system"

Howdy Ed !

In the past two days two non-financial-type clients who never call have called requesting that their manager be more aggressive and buy buy buy. That and the 62% Fib retracement from the low, could be signs.
 

Thank you for the heads up.

Thank you for the link.

My son is finishing his accounting degree and decides to pursue a physics degree then masters in engineering. I am excited about this for him.