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Questions

(Quotes from Ed in Red)

Date: Fri, 19 Oct 2007

Optical Illusions

Here is a link to some good ones:

Date: Fri, 19 Oct 2007

Kelly and Uncle
 

Hi Ed,

I would like to make a contribution to the debate on risk management.

The Kelly formula as a starting point for optimal risk management, as your site highlights
http://www.seykota.com/tribe/risk/index.htm

I would like to recommend and justify instead FRACTIONAL Kelly. Fractional Kelly is the Kelly percentage multiplied (scaled down) by a value k<1.

The reason Fractional Kelly is preferable is:

(a) Straight Kelly can be a rollercoaster ride from the start. And unlucky ones can soon hit their Uncle Point. Fractional Kelly allows us to lower the probability of hitting uncle point and therefore stay in the game. Section 2 'Drawdown formulae' of this resource http://www.bjmath.com/bjmath/

The Uncle Point is not a mathematical number - it is an emotional response to loss.

Thu, 18 Oct 2007

TTP Workshop
 

Ed,

Let me begin by saying that I have just recently been introduced to the Trading Tribe, so forgive me if my questions do not make sense.

I have never participated in a TTP, so in preparation I have been thinking about what forms/k-nots I have that I would like to work on this weekend. Problem is, I am having a hard time coming up with any, allow me to explain.

While in college I was arrested ... and subsequently spent a year in jail when I was 20 years old. While being in jail was obviously a very unpleasant experience, I am grateful that it happened because of the person it has made me. As long as I have my freedom and health, I am a happy camper. I am in a constant state of bliss, if I ever veer slightly from that state, all I need to do is think of jail for a moment and that I am no longer there, and I am immediately happy again. I do not sweat the small stuff, I am happy to be alive, and I relish every breath.

In addition to that whole experience, I have an awesome life. I am young (28), in the best shape of my life, my net worth is making all time highs, I winter in Florida, I have many beautiful female friends, I could go on and on ...

Every passing day, it seems like my life just gets better and better. I sometimes pinch myself cause it seems to good to be true.

I really have to stretch to think of things that bother me, all I can come up with is these 2:

1. Via something I cannot control, I lose my good health. Things like cancer, car accident, etc.

Thu, 18 Oct 2007

Workshop Preparation

Snapshot Clicks In ... Living in the Now

Positive Intention of Jealousy

Dear Ed:

I believe I am experiencing the power of my Snapshot.

I now have a tremendous sense of urgency about living my life to the fullest. In the past, I believe time has no limits and I use waiting as my way of making decisions. In the past, I wait to see if someone will commit to me and if I will commit to them.

Thank you for sharing your process.

Thu, 18 Oct 2007

Associate Program: Learning to Trade

Ed,

I am back to almost breakeven on my yen trade. I enter another DJ trade with the following order:
 

I feel a little anxiety around entering into the DJ trade, but my indicators say that I can enter here and if it goes my way, I make $5-6k per contract. If not, then I lose $600 per contract. A possible 10 to 1.

My anxiety is around having lost on 4 previous DJ trades. I know it is better to stay in the present moment of now and enter trades with no memory so that is what I am trying to do.

I do not detect a consistent system here - other than FPS, the Fred Playground System. 

You might consider specifying your system. see previous.

For example, I wonder what "indicators" are talking to you, that predict gain and loss of 10:1.  I wonder what these indicators say on other days, and these indicators actually get you 10:1.

I am having trouble tracking your trade / order log without the dates and times of all orders and executions.

I do not see how you derive the price on the sell at limit order above the DJ market.

Wed, 17 Oct 2007

Staying Afloat

see Mon, 15 Oct 2007 Nose Above Water
 

Ed,

Ed Says: Keeping your nose above the water can be
... a matter of survival ...
... a natural posture ...
... or recreation.

Very insightful, Ed. I combine those forms in the attached picture where I float on my back enjoying a moment’s repose before swimming a haystack on the Colorado River. (backup kayak rescue team not shown)

Wed, 17 Oct 2007

Workshop Outcomes

 
Ed,

 My workshop outcomes are:

1 - I have the beginnings of understanding the TTP process so that I can fit it into my model of how things work and use it.

 

Feelings: compelled to learn --- curiosity

 

2 - I am compounding my net worth at @20% for next 3 years to meet my 2010 year end net worth goals.

 

Feelings: good challenge, stuck, can I take the necessary risk.

 

3 - I am meeting my fitness goal of losing 2 lbs per week and a resumption of my favorite activity -climbing.

 

Feelings: wonder why I don't do what I know how to do - Frustration

Thank you for sharing your process.

You might consider:

1. Defining exactly use you have in mind.

2. Defining exactly how much risk you can take.

3. Setting your goal as an end point rather than as a process.  You describe a movie, not a snapshot.  Note: At a goal rate of 2 pounds per week, you disappear entirely after N weeks, where

Wed, 17 Oct 2007

Associate Program: Learning to Trade

see previous: Looking to Short Dow Jones

 
Ed,

I do not get my Dow Jones order entered in time and thus do not get a fill. The yen is my only current position.

Thank you for sharing your process.

Missing moves is consistent with a seat-of-the-pants, low-discipline, short-term approach. 

You seem to be trading on a variation of the Fred Playground system.

Your real intention might be to be to find ways to miss out on things so you can justify feeling stupid and beat up on your self.

You might consider taking your feelings about <your father calling you stupid> to Tribe.  Note: see Spanking, below.

The Price of Stupidity is High

The price of being unwilling

to experience the feelings

of being stupid

is even higher.

Clip: http://www.pamba.thinkhost.com/

Wed, 17 Oct 2007

Spanking

Ed,

During my childhood, my parents spank me as a form of discipline. I have two sons and the oldest is almost two years old.

My oldest son climbs on chairs to get to items in the center of the kitchen table. I believe this behavior is dangerous. He plays with the kitchen trash can. I believe this behavior is unhealthy and can make him sick. He tries to pull a lamp off the end table in the family room. I believe this behavior is dangerous. I prefer he not do those things.

I believe that if I spank him for doing those things, he learns to hit others when their behavior is not what he prefers.

When you spank a child to the extent you excite his fear of survival, the child, seeing he cannot stop the beating, frantically searches for a way to medicate his fear.

If the father is the beater, the child typically  copies mom's responses and installs a medicinal rock with actions such as:

Avoid contact with Dad. 

Shut down my feelings. 

Wait until Dad is not around.

Do stupid things for Dad's attention.

As you can see by scanning FAQ, such medicinal behavior entrains relationship gridlock and prevents experiencing intimacy and joy.

Some other actions you might bring are:

Tell your kids about your fears.

 

Ask them what they are trying to accomplish.

 

Show them how to fall safely.

 

Play "spin around and get dizzy and fall down" with them.

 

Show them how to use matches safely.

 

Show them how to play with animals safely.

 

Show them how to tell if something is poison.

You might also consider taking your feelings about <your sons hurting themselves> to Tribe.

Gravity is an Excellent Teacher

It is consistent

and it does not attempt

to prevent you from

experiencing life

in order to medicate

its own feelings.

Clip: http://www.losethetrainingwheels.org/

Wed, 17 Oct 2007

Stock Market Value

see previous: Black Monday

Ed,

If the concerns about sub-prime, war, oil and the dollar have any validity, how come the stock market is near the highs?

Trend Traders do not follow reasons; they follow trends.

A couple trends you might consider are the gold/dollar ratio and the Dow/gold ratio.

December 2007 Gold Futures

2003-2007

Dow Jones, in Ounces of Gold

Currently, with the Dow at about 14065

and with gold at about 765,

the Dow buys about 19 ounces of gold.

This represents about a 57% decline

from the highs in mid-1999

and a 1900% increase

from the lows in early 1980.

Clip: http://www.usgold.com/templates/

Wed, 17 Oct 2007

Dealing With Mother

see previous: Nose Above Water

Hi Ed -

Here’s Part 2 of my workshop prep.

I say: My outcomes for the October workshop are:
 

2. I can help and relate to others without getting tangled in drama.

Ed Says: You might consider being very specific - and noticing what feelings come up for you about being specific about what you want.

Specify one existing relationship tangle and how you would prefer that relationship to operate.

I think I get the biggest benefit by improving my relationship with my mother.

 

I state my issues in de-tangled form:

I accept that my mother’s emotions may not be to my liking.

I accept that my emotions may not be to my mother’s liking.

We acknowledge and resolve conflicts promptly.

I define how much help I am willing to give my mother, communicate my commitment, and stick to it.

My mother understands how much I am willing to help her.

My mother makes other arrangements if she wants more than I can give.

My mother and I support each other in additional relationships.

We do not hold each other to impossible standards. I define what I want from her.

We give each other more compliments than criticism.

We remember to laugh and have some fun.

My feelings as I specify:

Guilt at being selfish

Fear of taking on too much

Resentment

Want freedom

Want to do the right thing (and do the thing right)

Chagrin that many issues lay at my doorstep

 

Thank you for sharing your process.

Mother and Daughter

Early on,

the mother takes care

of the child.

Later on,

the roles reverse.

In a medicinal relationship

mother and daughter

try to control each other

and they complain about

each other's manipulations.

In a pro-active relationship

they accept each other

in being the way they are

and the way they are not

and they discover ways

to support each other.

If either the daughter or the mother

replaces her medicinal rock

with a pro-active rock,

the gridlock loosens

and the relationship becomes

pro-active and growthful.

They both come to say,

from the heart,

"I accept you fully,

including the part of you

that does not accept me."

Clip: http://www.mlasouthwest.org.uk/

Tue, 16 Oct 2007
 

More Feelings About My Snapshot
see previous: Snapshot Gets Clearer
 

Hi Ed:

Ed Says: "You might notice what feelings come up at the thought of actually manifesting your snapshot."

It takes me several hours just to compose the few sentences of my Snapshot. I begin in the early morning hours ... leave to take care of clients ... and return to write ... after hours of driving and reflecting.

In my process, my feelings include regret, sadness, guilt, fear, loss, and shame. My body is tense and I feel a hollow spot deep behind my chest cavity. It seems like a wall forms that I scale (in my mind) just to write the words (of my Snapshot).

To scale the "real" wall, I know I need the help of a Tribe.

I feel happy as my skin actually pulses to know that I will soon be at the Workshop amongst others who will validate and help me. I am writing this after I have many hours to continue to work through my process. As I think back, I recall as I write my Snapshot that I feel I am too old for giving birth to children and this intensifies my feelings of general sadness, as I subscribe to your writings that family is the essential crucible.

It seems being so in tune with FAQ helps as I read the Monday, October 8, FAQ post (and article) about Victor Niederhoffer, which mentions that the mother of his 1 1/2-year-old son is 53. I am the same age she gave birth at, how wonderful, imagine! (Not that I like how Victor treats the property ... love ... of this relationship.)

Otherwise, I am still going back in time and remembering. I am also reading so many posts about the Rocks Process.

Thank you for sharing your process.

In the Rocks Process, the event of forgiving the rock (returning it to the donor) tends to discharge feelings about both the rock donor and the provoker.

The Rocks Process makes a clear distinction between the people carrying the rocks and the rocks that they carry.

At the end of the process, the entire Tribe typically sees how the sender's medicinal rock encourages provokers while the new pro-active rock discourages them.

In Scaling Walls

and in the TTP Rocks Process ...

a good support team is essential.

The DIM (Do It Myself) Process

is, by comparison,

 risky and ineffective.

Clips:

http://www.uwsp.edu/studyabroad/pics/

New%20Zealand/Rock%20climbing.jpg

Tue, 16 Oct 2007

Identifying  the Rock Donor

see previous V-1.02

Dear Trader Ed,

I did a lot of crying, feeling miserable, getting a headache yesterday. After getting mad at my mother namely, I have to mention.

Tried to find the magic handle, something that you cut through with a sword and then things begin to change.

One handle is definitely that I am also looking for somebody who "allows" me to have fun and follow my own right livelihood (overrule of operating program that I have to be "less"). Next one who needs an allowance so as to say.

Relatives following V1.02: grandmother, mother & brother, uncle. Grandfather, father, aunt and me being more like victimized because V1.02 creates a lot of frustration and you have to victimize somebody to "feel better".

I couldn't use V1.02 as a kid. V1.02 starts to operate when you try to engage yourself in a relationship and get kids.

As a kid I couldn't develop any idea what I want to do or don't want to do. Everything was regulated (Food: what and how much, Dress: what). I never had a choice. It was more like, either you wear this trouser or I am going to ... you. Means: I had a REAL problem in school other kids wearing fashionable things and I wore knitted dresses knit by my grandmother. What a ...

At the age of six I realized that I am living in a very rigid system, bound to be a housewife and as such being not respected in family and society. It was all over the place even in TV, where you saw Bavarian politicians talking. Society was like that in Catholic Bavaria in the Sixties. Very rigid, no choices existed, neither for women nor for men, actually.

So I decided that I want to make a kick start and jump from being a child directly to being an old woman with no duties like my grandmother on my father's side (This grandmother had no influence in the family, I just saw her and wanted her life because she looked more like having fun as the other ones).

Via "trading" I landed on the other side and start to realize that being a retiree is somewhat frustrating and unfulfilling when you are just 42 years old.

Fine tuning was done by my father. His ideas: (1) Be a boy and earn a lot of money. Money heals all wounds. (2) If somebody is getting on your nerves just be not there. Be somewhere else. (3) If you have to be there just "pass out". (4) Reading all day long helps not to feel feelings. (5) Dito drinking, eating.

In supporting my father my mother always said: no boyfriend, no problem. Look at all those girls. They have illegitimate kids, divorces, no jobs and no support. You better study and make a career in an office (and don't follow V1.02).

Thank you for sharing your process.

Your rock appears to come from your father. It instructs you how to medicate the feelings of growing up in your family.

You might consider coming up with a list of effective actions you might teach to a child - so that the child could cope successfully with people such as your parents.

This list can eventually become the basis for a new rock for you. 

You can then go through a process of forgiving (giving back) the rock to your father - and accepting the pro-active rock. 

The idea is for you to respond to your emotions, automatically, according the the list of effective actions.

Installation of a Medicinal Rock

requires a provoker

to provoke the feeling,

a family culture

to make the feeling "bad"

and a rock donor

to model the medicinal behavior.

The Rocks Process

uses role playing

to provoke the feeling,

Tribal encouragement

to view the feeling's positive intention

and a pro-active rock

to replace the medicinal one.

Clip: http://www.magazine.ucla.edu/

Tue, 16 Oct 2007

Wants a Money Manager

Ed,

My direct question would be, would you manage what little money I have left to risk? But I doubt you would even respond to that.

I thought I was a trader, or at least could become a good part time trader by working hard. I worked long hours in a job that I hated and believed that it was the source of my frustration. It took me many years to make a career change to a great new job that affords me a lot more free time to pursue the things that I enjoy. It has improved my life in all aspects with the exception of managing money.

You might consider taking your feelings about <guilt - fear - embarrassment>, <reaching capacity> and <losing money> to Tribe.

When you develop the willingness to experience these feelings, you might find your abilities to pick stocks and to enroll good stock pickers improve.

If you medicate your feelings by losing money, hiring a money manager is not likely to change your results.

For example, you might: (1) Treat the manager like a stock, buying and selling his fund at Fredian moments. (2) Try to sabotage the manager. (3) Find some other way to lose money.

Changing Your Basic Nature

is likely to involve

confronting the expectations

of family and friends.

Tue, 16 Oct 2007

Black Monday

Ed,

Barron's Magazine has a cover story about stock market crashes.

Black Monday
20 Years Later Can It Happen Again?
By ANDREW BARY

IT'S FITTING THAT AS THE 20TH anniversary of the ferocious 1987 stock-market crash approaches, most major U.S. equity averages are at or near record levels, and many markets in the developing world at boiling points. – The prevailing view on Wall Street is that the monumental drop on Oct. 19, 1987, when the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged 508 points – 22.6% -- on then-record volume, won't be repeated. There's good reason for the widespread optimism. But, then again, Wall Street seemingly is always optimistic until something goes terribly wrong. Not that the bulls don't have some good arguments. The Dow's drop on Oct. 19, 1987, was unprecedented, and hasn't come close to being equaled since then.

The largest percentage decline in the current decade was 7.1% on Sept. 17, 2001, and the biggest drop in the past two years was 3.3% on Feb. 27, 2007.

Even the historic 1929 crash, while deeper, broader and longer-lasting, didn't produce a one-day downdraft as vicious as 1987 did.

The Great Crash included a 12.8% one-day loss on Oct. 28, 1929, followed by an 11.7% slide the following day and one of 9.9% on Nov. 6. So, the 22.6% drop 20 years ago was truly a statistical outlier.

The appearance of a "scary magazine cover" may indicate some bearish discount already in the market.

I don't see a lot of "market going to the moon" magazine covers or feature articles.

Meaningful declines generally proceed from a base of euphoria, ebullience and invincibility, not from pessimism and worry.

Today we have wide concern about the war, the sub-prime situation, the dollar and the price of energy.

My reading of the cover is that the Monday does not appear so black; it appears curiously red; the black is in the background.

Monday

Monday

Monday

Monday

Monday

Mondays

seem to come

in an assortment

Tue, 16 Oct 2007

Associate Program: Learning to Trade

Short Yen and Looking to Short Dow Jones

Ed,

Tue, 16 Oct 2007

Snapshot Confusion

Ed,

Tue, 16 Oct 2007

Embarrassment Running Life

Dear Mr. Seykota,

Thank you for your suggestions. I am tracking the brownstone during family Tribing. First is in my through then memories surface.

I am a young boy. I am playing with a friend. We are throwing stones in a puddle. The friend missed it and hit my head instead. It hurts and I am bleeding, but I do not want others to know about the accident and the pain I am feeling. I am embarrassed, ashamed for the pain. I do not want others to think about me as the little, poor unlucky guy I am. In effect, my brother and my father just died and everybody knows about it in the village. Poor little guy, everything bad happens to him are some of the comments. First, his brother died, then his father and now that large stone. General attention is on me. I do not like it, I want to avoid it. I want to escape the pity. I want to avoid feeling being the poor, unlucky guy again and again.

Those feelings of embarrassment, shame, guilt have run may life somehow. I wanted to avoid failure because I did not want others to associate me with the poor, little unlucky guy I was ... I am. When I see some people failing in life, I first feel embarrassed for him / her. Then, I feel empathy for them and if possible help them out. One way to avoid failure is not to put very much effort into things I do. If I do not put much effort, if I do not participate fully, I would not be associated with failure. Of course, what is missing is giving 1000% of my self and see what happens. It has happened in jobs and in relationships. As an example, I lost a job and was so embarrassed and afraid others knew about it that I practically bared myself inside my house.

Not all the fields of endeavors are the same though. As an example, when I want to meet a woman (now I am married) I do it naturally. I accept the fact that somebody might be interested and others might not. The desire to know her is stronger than the fear of failure. I think about the opportunities I might loose if I do not act. In trading, I take all the losses by always placing a stop-loss as soon as I place an order. I accept losses naturally as part the game of trading. Or, to paraphrase one of your thoughts, I breath in as much as a breath out. What stands between me and financial prosperity? There are deeper issues. I will post them as they flow.

I had a dream last night. I was climbing on an ancient house, 1700/1800, with very solid basements with strong concrete ..on earth. It did not have any walls though and needed a full restauration. Like the beatuful house in front had.

Your embarrassment may not be running your life.  More likely, it is your unwillingness to experience embarrassment that is running your life.

You may also have a "medicinal rock" or response pattern, that medicates your feeling - rather than responding to it pro-actively.

The boy who throws the rock is the provoker - the role model who shows you how to respond to your emotions is the rock donor.

In the rock process we forgive the medicinal rock back to the donor and implement a pro-active rock.

The Person Who Throws The Stone

might not be the person

who donates the rock.

Clip: http://www.tribuneindia.com/2006/

Tue, 16 Oct 2007

Wants Ed's Thoughts on Money Management

Hello Ed,

Mon, 15 Oct 2007

Submits to Anger

Hi Ed,

I am writing today for I now feel compelled to let out some feelings that I never share, I just do not! This is centered on childhood experiences that I would “label” abuse.

I feel very hesitant and nervous right now about sharing this, what will people think of me? I feel ashamed. Also, I feel fear about going to a tribe because I will have to get to these events of childhood.

So, before I write about the TT book, or the system tests, or I go to tribe, or whatever, I all of a sudden got this meaningful urge to purge. Words cannot express how difficult this is for me.

I am totally associated with a movie of the event. I am a child, I do not know my age, and my mother is having a bout of extreme anger and total out of control behavior. On many, many, many, many, many occasions she becomes furious with me.

She is in a rage, she slaps my face, she is looking me over from head to toe with contempt and disgust, she just spit in my face and is yelling horrible things at me, “I hate you - I wish you were never born!” “You will never amount to anything, you will be a failure just like your father.”

I will stop at that.

I feel my heart pound as I type this; my breathing is heavy and fast, my hands sweaty, my throat tight and my eyes watery. I feel anger toward my Mom, I feel her rage, I feel sad, ashamed and embarrassed, and I feel alone.

Now, I feel forgiveness and love for my Mom as well as anger and extreme dislike; I call it a “conflicted” feeling that is with me.

I have similar “conflicted” feelings around my father for separate experiences and they are with me.

I feel a little better about letting this out and more ready to work on this or whatever in a group setting and maybe less ashamed. I have the TT book and am starting it “now”. The Tribe I sent the email to is not real active, so I intend to start my own or seek an alternate tribe or both.

Some clock time goes by and I now feel submissive like an aggressive dog who gives up a fight and lies on its back, with legs in the air.

Thank you for sharing your process.

In the Rocks Process, the rock carries a program that links the emotion of a situation, say hearing "horrible" things, to a response, such as feeling submissive. 

People can typically identify the "provoker" or "abuser" - the person doing the yelling.  In the Rocks Process, we also come to identify the donor of the rock, the person who is the role model for, in this case, the submissive behavior.

To "forgive" the rock, we re-enact the critical incident and  give the rock back to the donor.

We then create and install a new, pro-active rock, that responds pro-actively to the emotion.

The Provocation

comes from the provoker

and may last a few moments.

The Response

comes from the rock donor

and may linger on

for a lifetime.

Mon, 15 Oct 2007

Snapshot Gets Clearer

see previous Touching
 

Thank you for sharing your process.

Mon, 15 Oct 2007

Woman - Version 1.02


Dear Ed,

I want to stay on MY task, this means:

(1) I don't want to be "less" for my mother, my brother and my uncle any longer, so that they "feel better".

(2) Want to get rid of program "Woman Version 1.02" that haunts my family since 1901, as described in my send of Sun, 19 Nov 2006.

Thank you for sharing your process.

You might have a look through your role models and see which one(s) you recall following the V1.02 program.

Mon, 15 Oct 2007

Computing Bliss

Dear Mr. Seykota,

If Bliss=ICAGR/DD,

A system is robust if changing a small fraction of the data set does not change the performance.

In math, the median is a fairly robust statistic; you can change any data point, save the middle one, and not change the median.

You can determine ICAGR and DD from your simulation run.

Evidently, your definition of "robust" is not very robust.

Mon, 15 Oct 2007

Workshop Preparations -

Feelings About Variance /

Keeping My Nose Above Water

see: Workshop Outcomes
 

Date:  11:05:58 -0700
Ed-



I say: My outcomes for the October workshop are:

1. I am clear in developing and trading my system.

Ed Says: You might consider being very specific - and noticing what feelings come up for you about being specific about what you want.

1. Specify the amount of money you see yourself managing and the yearly profits you make.


I am a private trader with [$ ] allocated to trading.

(This is a portion of my liquid assets. I make the allocation decisions about the rest of my funds too.)

I fund an account with [$ ] and once I prove I can earn more than 7% annually I increase the account size. I feel good to recite this info from decisions I make over two years ago.

I calculate that 9% annual earnings makes trading worthwhile for me monetarily. I want 40+% gains.

These figures are in my back-pocket too but I feel anxious when I review them:

-- Is inflation higher than I expected? Yes for food, but my big care-abouts (rent, plane tix, gadgets & gear) stay about the same.

-- Do I have a good reason for anchoring at 40%? No.

-- My current systems aren’t cutting it. Is my development on track to deliver?

This strikes me as my normal useful anxiety.

Digging a little deeper for hotter feelings:

I want to follow my system with zero variance.

I currently trade a mechanical stock system whose main attraction is a heuristic that pleases me. The system itself is profitable.

My ability to follow it is less profitable but I keep my nose above water.

My current failure mode occurs when I feel a little low outside of trading and I face a mid-size loss. I want to get around the midsize loss and disable my automatic exit (I wouldn’t dare do this with a big loss).

My manual efforts usually make the loss a little worse. Breaking one rule seems to open me up to breaking others and I do – entering without a signal and grabbing profits before they’re ripe, etc. My joyride ends when I perceive breakeven vs. some recent gain. I feel righteous about my goal of zero variance.

I feel frustrated, angry and baffled that I can’t consistently follow some relatively simple steps to achieve my goal.

I want to develop a better system than I have now.

I adopt a bliss function of gains / drawdowns and work to maximize it. I choose to build mechanical systems because attempts with discretionary trading swamp me with regrets and self-recriminations.

Thank you for sharing your process.

You might consider recalling the feelings you are dealing with at the moment you vary from your rules.

Keeping your nose above the water

can be ...

... a matter of survival ...

... a natural posture ...

... or recreation.

Clips:

http://blogs.warwick.ac.uk/rbotoole/tag/

baby_lawrence_o-toole/?num=15&start=15

http://www.pages.drexel.edu/~lae26/

Debunk%20A%20%20Myth.htm

http://www.geocities.com/perry_peterson_1999/

Mon, 15 Oct 2007

Gyrating


Dear Ed,

talking to Mom. Yes. Again :-). I avoided her lately, which was a good idea, but cost a lot of energy. Now I enjoy the contact and the more substantial
issues.

I am definitely gyrating around here and try a real short one now:

[I manage my portfolio - much better as I trade or whatsoever. Done.]
(1) I travel.
(2) I make music.
(3) I have a partner.
(4) I stay on task.

I note that this is all "I" now and I don't care about it, actually. Things have to be done finally.

Therefore, I want to focus on "(4) I stay on task".

Have snapshots for (1) to (3). Snapshot for (4) could be "I buy some potential winners and sell some losers." or "Accurate and Precise" (your Snapshot of Fri, 14 Sep 2007, which I love quite a lot or one of the above).

Following along FAQ gave me a lot of insights already and made it possible to draw the above list and snapshots. I am very happy about that already. A lot of thanks to you and the FAQ contributors for your and their ideas and feelings you and they are willing to share with other people.

Looking forward to the journey.

PS: I definitely realize, that FAQ, gyrating and tribe would have been better as FAQ and gyrating without tribe.

OK.

Gyrating

Clip: http://www.barbwired.com/nadiaweb/

Sun, 14 Oct 2007

Preparing for the Rocks Process

see previous: Choking & Throttling Feelings

Ed,

Ed Says: You might allow your self to imagine what life might be like with fully intimate emotional expression and also with full emotional throttle.

You might consider the positive intentions of all these variations.

Thank you for your guidance.

I consider the two boundary conditions: restricted emotional expression and fully intimate expression.

The positive intentions of restricting emotion might be self-preservation, fitting into the group, and making life a little easier for others.

Max flow of emotion I have a harder time imagining.

I feel less comfortable at this end of the spectrum. It brings to mind fearful images of a stuck throttle: http://www.livevideo.com/video/

677315DEC7684235A9508FA1AF107A2D/

super-high-speed-wreck-.aspx 

The positive intention I imagine is that everyone communicates their needs fully and quickly knows where they stand. They can progress more directly.

-----

Thank you for sharing your process.

At this point you have a pretty good inventory of some of your medicinal and pro-active responses.

You might consider:

1. Locate the source of these responses; recall significant role models who typically engage similar responses.

2. Recall a few vivid incidents from early childhood in which you engage the medicinal behaviors, such as: trying to fix someone else's feelings, suppressing your own feelings and putting everyone else first.

Angry Woman

Children of anger-k-not parents

fear for their own survival

and typically look to role models

to find a medicinal response.

Children implement these responses

as rock resources

and continue to use them as adults

whenever a situation

reminiscent of childhood presents.

Clip: http://www.brandsizzle.com/photos/

uncategorized/angry_woman.jpg

Sun, 14 Oct 2007

Myers-Briggs
 

The Myers-Briggs series categorizes subjects into a 4x4 grid according to four preferences between eight activities: thinking or feeling; judging or perceiving; sensing or intuition; extraversion or introversion.

My preference is to develop all eight eight activities as pro-active resources.

I suppose someone, with enough grant money, might find some correlation between Myers-Briggs scores and trading.

I suspect they might similarly find a correlation between the color of your shirt and trading.

Mon, 15 Oct 2007

Talking With Mom About Birth


Dear Trader Ed,

most people are really glad, if they excel in one area like career, family or their leisure activities. Other seem to have vast interests and excel in several areas which seem to be unrelated at first sight. I am impressed and interested to find a new entry about childbirth as of Sat, 13 Oct 2007.

I follow your discussions with the respected yoga master with utmost interest. His sends definitely hit a string over here.

Pain: Repeated cycle of pain and no pain sounds all too familiar. (My pain moved from lumbar spine to a similar area between right leg and body / backside. Chiropractor showed me the area on a skeleton and gave it up. I panic. I do physiotherapy then and all sorts of movements. Pain gone. I forget doing movements. Pain returns. This goes on for years already.)

Lawyers: My lawyer didn't act in my best interest. I stand up for myself and talk to her about it and feel good with this new behavior.

She then took the leave informing me about it three times (mail, phone call, registered mail). She also informs the court which informs me a fourth time and the opposite side, my former employer. Thus she deliberately impairs my bargaining position concerning compensation for an unlawful dismissal. I feel lost and get really upset about the situation. Didn't expect that, too, since I studied law and at least can start swimming in that situation.

I look at delivery (FAQ, Sat, Oct 13, 2007) and ask my mother about my birth. We just finished our second discussion about it and I feel closer to her than I did the last months.

I was born Dec 9, 1964, 3:50 in the night, three and a half weeks early.

During that time my mother had moved from my parents' flat to my grandmother's place because the new house my parents wanted to move to, wasn't finished yet. Now she was preparing the next move. Amniotic fluid started to seep out when my parents were in cinema watching a film. My mother told me already that she didn't know you shouldn't work so hard during the last weeks of pregnancy. The whole situation was a mess for her.

Wow, I just realize that this is how my flats look like. They are messy and I am actually pondering for years to move to another city not finishing the move. It was a new job that drew me to Bonn, but I never felt like developing really roots there. Instead I am on and off pondering about moving then something happens like back ache, I give it up, etc. etc. etc. (see above).

The next day about noon my father takes my mother to the hospital. They keep my mother there. My mother is not in labor nor does she remember when labor starts.

My father leaves. Assistance of partner was not common in my country during those years. My mother admits that she felt lost and lonely in this night when I was born at 3:50 and no relative was around.

Note: A family constellation already showed that my mother was sort of dying during that hours of delivery. The lady who represented my mother in that family constellation suspected that she got mechanical ventilation.

My mother says none got a mechanical ventilation neither her nor me. Everything was fine, no special occurences. Yes, she was a bit lonely, but that's like things were in the sixties.

I was drawn to existence with a vacuum extraction. I look it up in wikipedia and see this ugly photo of a babie's head drawn out with that instrument. I feel some fears coming up.

My mother says I just looked fine and developed despite arriving too early. No red spots on the head, bleeding scalp, mechanical ventilation, whatsoever. The physician in charge was nice and she trusted him.

Man, when I look at my life, I am just getting the impression that birth seems to be a formative factor who life turns out or doesn't turn out.

Sun, 14 Oct 2007

Touching

see previous: Wanting Touch

Hi Ed:

I love the photo of the baby in your response. Her body and expression say she loves her Mother's touch. I have no baby, but others say I treat my dog as a child. I recall that I really do not pet my dog much. I occasionally scratch her ears and rub her tummy when she rolls over on the carpet.

Today, I touch her chest and immediately we are both aware of her heart beating under my hands. She doesn't move, nor do I. I am so taken back by this simple feeling that tears roll down my face.

This scares her and she jumps away. My tears turn into sobs as I think of children and families.

I focus on one friend and his family. He is also a client and a mentor. I find my best professional relationships are the people I get the closest to.

Together, when we work on a project, we finish each other's sentences. I also like being around this friend because of how he treats his family. He has a wife of over 20 years, whom he still calls his bride, and they have two teenage children, a girl and a boy. His family is his first priority and they truly are a team. One day, while in his office, I pick up a photo of him on his boat with his children. He is teaching them to sail and his wife, an artist and professional photographer, is taking the photo.

Thank you for sharing your process.

You might consider creating a snapshot of a  relationship with a significant other - perhaps involving children.

Dogs

like to give and receive

lots of touching.

Sun, 14 Oct 2007

Associate Program
 

Sun, 14 Oct 2007

Analysis

Dear Mr. Seykota,

I hope this e-mail finds you in good health.

I just had a serious Aha! moment, and as i was about to record it in my trading journal, i thought i'd share my new process in FAQ, in case some of my felow traders find it of some use.

I accept that leaving expectations unfulfilled and not feeling feelings is very bad for trading. So whilst practising my daily visualisation routine, i was visualising unprecedented success trading tomorrow, hitting home runs out of the park with every casual attempt and no losing trades. then i realised i was burning this image into my brain too literally and creating an expectation that would need to be fulfilled tomorrow (and as this is seriously unlikely to happen, i just set myself up for a fall).

You might consider taking your feelings about <using analysis to avoid feelings> to Tribe.

Mon, 15 Oct 2007

A More Specific Snapshot

Locating Annoyance and Frustration

see previous

Hi Ed,

First of all thanks for your suggestion re: preparation of a more specific snapshot. I very much appreciate your guidance and your replies to my FAQ's

With reference to FAQ Sat. 13th 0ct. 2007 - "Holding back & moving forward," yes, my Snapshot detailed in the above FAQ is vague & non-specific.
As per your suggestion, one particular issue (amongst many) that is holding me back is with respect to my Yoga practice.

I have a nagging & annoying minor injury in my right lower flank / hip region that limits my practice.
Generally I can work around this by limiting what I do & how deep I go into the postures that I am able to do. This has been a recurring injury for a number of years now so obviously there is weak spot somewhere in that hip area. Try as I may, I am unable to get 'on top of it'.

I know what needs to be done in order to alleviate the condition & slowly over a period of time I am able to 'fix' it up through a combination of rest & various stretches so that I am able to get full mobility back.
 

At this point I am able to crank up my practice and I am able to make progress and go deeper into other postures. Months may go by and just when everything is looking rosy, BANG!!, there goes that hip again.

Once again, slowly it gets fixed again and once again I strain it again. Fix . . . Strain . . . . Fix . . . . .Strain . . . . . Fix etc.

It feels almost as if someone is engineering this scenario, whilst taking a perverse delight in watching me get frustrated and highly annoyed.

I recall about a month ago, whilst doing a practice at home, I think to myself, "Wow!, I've been progressing really well for a few months now and no sign of any hip trouble", sure enough, about an hour later (during the same practice) I push a little too far and strain my hip.

AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

HOW FREAKING ANNOYING IS THAT!!!

-----

 

O.k. now with the preamble out of the way here is my snapshot;

On paper, I sketch a scene of myself in an effortless backbend posture.

I am soft all over as I push into the floor with palms and feet. My body assumes an inverted 'U' shape. My hips are very high and I feel no tension or discomfort whatsoever in this region. In fact I feel no tension or discomfort anywhere.

My face has a hint of a smile but generally remains in equanimity.

I inhale and exhale slowly and rhythmically as I remain soft and relaxed whilst I support myself in this posture. There is no struggle. There is no pain. I release completely.

My snapshot slogan is "Effortless Action"

-----

 

So having prepared a Snapshot, do I now explore the feelings associated with what's standing between me and the realization of that snapshot? From my understanding, I would say the answer is YES!

So I would take the feelings of annoyance, anger & frustration and apply TTP / Rocks to overcome the dramas associated with my unwillingness to embrace these feelings.

Thank you for sharing your process.

Being specific about your snapshot is also bringing up specific feelings of annoyance.

When you are willing to fully experience your feelings or <annoyance and frustration> - to the point that these feelings become your allies,  you may find you can execute back bends with little effort.

You may, incidentally, find you can execute effortlessly in many other previously annoying areas in your life.

The Scorpion

Getting On Top of The Rocks

If you can't execute these forms

you may have some feeling

that you are unwilling

to experience.

Clips:

http://www.treeoffitness.com/Photos/

Scorpion_in_swimsuit_smaller.JPG

Sat, 13 Oct 2007

Definitely Too High

Shy - Try Hi and Bye
 

Ed,

I am reporting to you the results of the experiment of "Definitely Too High" that is an issue I am working on in the tribe meeting on Sep 20, 2007. The experiment period is two weeks, starting from the day of the meeting. Stock symbols in this experiment are ones I feel are "definitely too high" ... CE, NH, KROC, SC ON, and DRYS. CG and CD are symbols of Gold and Canadian Dollar futures.

Closing prices on Sep 20, 2007
CEA: 121.24
ZNH: 94.48
JRJC: 22.10
SCON: 5.98
DRYS: 75.97
GCZ8: 739.9
CDZ8: 1.0000

Closing prices on Oct 4, 2007
CEA: 96.02
ZNH: 69.94
JRJC: 40.90
SCON: 7.54
DRYS: 93.29
GCZ8: 743.8
CDZ8: 1.0040

Surely, some of them move up and some move down. But if I buy $10,000.00 on each of stocks and one contract on each of futures at close price on Sep 20, 2007, and sell them at close price on Oct 4, 2007, the total profits excluding costs are about $9,557.7. If I can hold these positions to now on Oct 13, 2007, the total profits are about $17,233.38.

So what does "Definitely Too High" mean to me?

It means shy trading performance results. That is what Ed points out to me during the tribe meeting. Ed also helps me to look at meanings of the word 'Shy'.

One of its meanings is 'lack of confidence'. It is a feeling of fear to lose and fail. 'Definitely Too High' is my medicine to medicating my feelings of fear to lose.

The practice of TTP helps me to appreciate experiencing feelings of 'lack of confidence'.

For example, to make new friends, I can say 'Hi' to strangers, then say 'Bye'.

To make profits in trading, I say 'New High', then say 'Buy now'.

I like your idea to pass the 'free milk' from generation to generation.

Thank you for sharing your process.

Buying highs is an essential method of Trend Trading. 

While the method works pretty well in back tests, in actual practice, people may be unwilling to follow it.

DRYS

The red circle indicates

the contributor's feeling

that the stock is

definitely too high.

-----

Trend Traders

who are unwilling

to experience their feelings

may override their signals.

An alternative

is to stick to the system

and bring feelings about it

to Tribe.

Sat, 13 Oct 2007

Entitlement - 3

see previous

Ed,

The "free help" I am offering you (in this mini-FAQ-Workshop) is to suggest you take your feelings about <entitlement> and <expectation> to Tribe.

You might also consider how to honor the entitlements and expectations of other people with whom you deal.

Babies Have an Entitlement

to free milk

and mothers have

an irresistible urge

to deliver it.

When babies mature

and become children

this entitlement ceases.

When children mature

and become adults

they have their own babies

who, in their turn,

have an entitlement

to free milk.

Clip: http://www.womanthouartgod.com/

Sat, 13 Oct 2007

Holding Back & Moving Forward
 

Hi Ed,

(Re: FAQ Wed 10th 0ct,. 2007 - "Evolution of TTP")

Thank you for the opportunity to explore this issue further via the Snapshot Process.

Upon reading your suggestion that I might like to prepare a snapshot that shows how I would like the situation to turn out, I instantly think of and sketch a scene on paper together with a title at the bottom of the page.

I find it interesting that the snapshot I come up with has little to do with the actual drama itself & the circumstances that trigger it, so perhaps I'm not following your suggestion to the letter. However it is the first thing that comes to mind so this is what i go with.

My snapshot scene has a somewhat abstract & symbolic look to it and consists of my good self standing in the middle of a road with a pair of giant boom gates that were once closed, now being fully open. I also show a set of tall, massive concrete blocks that once blocked the path having now moved out of the way allowing free passage through. I no longer feel hemmed in and I have a smile on my face as I look into the distance and I see a clear path and two speed signs on either side of the road that read "No Limit" as well as a lovely peaceful nature scene beyond. All my limitations are removed & the road is clear (i.e. blue sky ahead or '52 week highs' if you prefer) I title the snapshot "All barriers open up, my road forward is clear"

As previously mentioned, this snapshot is somewhat abstract, in that I say my road is now clear yet I do not show or define to what destination this clear road now leads. It simply leads to an undefined 'happy place'.

To my mind, the whole picture represents a desire to break free from what is holding me back and preventing me from moving forward.

Thank you for sharing your process.

You might consider being very specific with your snapshot.

Pick one situation that you find is holding you back; make a snapshot of the situation with you at successful completion.

Completion of an Essential Task

Completion of the journey through the birth canal

develops resources that support operating under pressure, moving forward and making it through.

Caesarian deliveries may circumvent this essential and formative struggle.

Clip: http://www.collegeofmidwives.org/

news01/ACOG%20%20Hm%20Brth%20

Fri, 12 Oct 2007

Preparing for Workshop ...

Feeling Sad & Wanting Touch

see previous

Thank you for sharing your process.

Receiving Loving Touch

is an essential part

of being a child.

Providing loving touch to others

is an essential part

of being an adult.

Longing for Healing Hands

may indicate a pattern

of continuing to push away

what we could not get

as children.

One way to get

what you need

it to give it

to someone else.

Clips:

http://mountcope.wordpress.com/2007/09/13/

http://www.oacrs.com/News/2005/

Fri, 12 Oct 2007

Fri, 12 Oct 2007

Workshop Outcomes

Ed,

My outcomes for the October workshop are:

1. I am clear in developing and trading my system.

2. I can help and relate to others without getting tangled in drama.

3. I share knowledge of Rocks Process with the [City] Tribe.

You might consider being very specific - and noticing what feelings come up for you about being specific about what you want.

1. Specify the amount of money you see yourself managing and the yearly profits  you make.

2. Specify one existing relationship tangle and how you would prefer that relationship to operate.

Fri, 12 Oct 2007

Choking and Throttling Feelings

Thank you for sharing your process.

You might consider making a list of ways you manage to suppress others' feelings and ways that they suppress yours.

You might allow your self to imagine what life might be like with fully intimate emotional expression and also with full emotional throttle.

You might consider the positive intentions of all these variations.

Throttle

Opening and closing the throttle

changes the power of the engine.

A large, smooth, wide-open throat

promotes maximum flow.

A Choke

helps to get a cold engine

up and running.

When Intake Air Flow Reaches Mach-1

throat size limits air flow.

Further reductions

in upstream vacuum

no longer increase air flow.

Clips:

http://www.stevesautoclinic.com/

PRODUCT%20PAGES/62mm%20TB.htm

http://www.dansmc.com/starter.htm

www.supertunercar.com/venturi.

Fri, 12 Oct 2007

Dancing With a Shadow

see: http://www.news.com.au/perthnow/

Fri, 12 Oct 2007

Preparing for Workshop

see: Trading on Feelings

Hi Ed:

I appreciate your response to my latest FAQ. I am up and reading it at about 3 a.m. this morning, and I go back and curl up in a ball in my bed and cry. I notice it is amongst other responses that also bring up feelings for me ... sadness, jealousy, and loneliness.

As part of my intention to build and stick to a profitable system, I am sending you the system parameters I abandon in August. Since mid-2006, I work with two versions of commercial systems. I am attaching the latest set of parameters and market portfolio. Using this system, I run my account up 50% and drawn it down to flat. I abandon this system in August.

Your response makes me see and feel things about how I keep thinking, and thinking, and waiting. None of that is working for me.

I want to move beyond pain, I want to feel and learn. I am wondering how to prepare for the Workshop.

-----

Commercial System Parameters:
MACD long average (days) = 145
MACD short average (days) = 125
Risk Per Trade (%) = 2%
 
Entry Breakout (days) = 30
Stop (ATR) = 1.8
Exit Breakout (days) = 19
ATR (days) = 29

Backtest:

From 1996-01-01 to present

End Balance = $28,668,080
CAGAR% = 83.1
MAR = 1.62
Sharpe = 1.26
Ann. Sharpe = 1.23
Max Drawdown = 51.3%
Longest Drawndown = 17.1 months
Trades = 1,111

Thank you for sharing your process.

You seem to be preparing nicely.

You might consider purposefully increasing the degree to which you keep thinking and waiting.

-----

Your backtest results include a value for "drawndown."   You might consider locating the origin of this typo; it might originate in your testing software or in your transcription.

You might consider engaging thinking and waiting as resources to eliminate errors and implement discipline and consistency in your trading.

Butter

Butterfly

A few letters

can change the essential meaning.

Clips:

http://www.dairy.com.au/consumers/

content/view/90/101/

Fri, 12 Oct 2007

Entitlement - 2

see previous

Ed,

Perhaps you can assist me to see how I am projecting. As the Workshop presenter I have both an entitlement and an obligation to attend.

Perhaps you can help me understand how you can present a request without holding expectations.

Fri, 12 Oct 2007

Looking and Considering ...

and Missing Trades

Ed,

My Yen trade continues to work well. I am looking at other markets to enter by reviewing the charts and analyzing them with a combination of exponential moving average and support/resistance breakout.

The ema I use is not optimized for any particular market but uses a slow lag that is moderately long. I am now considering entering Dec wheat. It is still on a long term trend up and has just broken through a minor down trend line.

The Canadian dollar also meets the criteria I have been using. I just missed it earlier this week when I was not feeling well.

I should have had my buy stop in and if it hit I would have entered right below 1.00. I find something very interesting in my reluctance to trade lately.

I have made a good run and have a great percentage return, but now I have pulled back because I have fear of losing it.

I seem to enjoy talking about how well I am doing and don't want to do more for fear of not doing as well. Very interesting. So, I am rededicating myself to selecting and entering markets that meet my criteria, putting smart stops in, and playing from here. To learn what I want to learn I cannot really continue to avoid confronting the markets.

Thank you for sharing your process.

Fri, 12 Oct 2007

Expressing Gratitude

Dear Ed,

thank you for your answers and all your efforts you put in FAQ.

I keep your comments and work on the opportunities to bring the issues to my tribe.
 

Indeed have some difficulties to express feelings.
 

Fri, 12 Oct 2007

Alcoholism

see:  Twelve Step

I see alcoholism as a disease. Like cancer. It's not about being good or bad. It's about having a physical allergy to alcohol.

I am not promoting AA. I see the program differently. It's given me a life.

It was not started by a church. It was started by a couple alcoholics.

No 10% tithe. Drop $1 in the basket for expenses, if able. If not, no worries.

Try not to forget Rule #62.

In TTP we also do not consider people good or bad.  We encourage them to be the way they are.

We do consider some behavior patterns to be medicinal and others pro-active.

If viewing a behavior pattern as an allergy or as a disease works for you, I would encourage you to continue with that view.

Thu, 11 Oct 2007

Entitlement

Ed,

You might consider taking your feelings about <entitlement> to your Tribe.

Thu, 11 Oct 2007

Clinical Study

Ed,

Method is a function of intention.  I wonder what purpose you have in mind for such a study.

Absent any guidance from you, and if you were to leave it to me, I'd recommend measurement by several female banjo players. You may send them over, right away, to begin the study.

TTP Measurement Crew

Clips:

http://i162.photobucket.com/albums/t247/

hucktwain/banjo-queen.jpg

http://www.bluegrass.com.br/Photo_Gallery/

banjoGirl.jpg

http://www.urbanaddiction.com/

Banjo%20Girl/GirlNBango.jpg

More Information on Banjos:

Thu, 11 Oct 2007

Associate Program: Learning to Trade

Trading on Feelings

Hi Ed,

Here my trades for today. I begin with one position, (1) long March 08 Sugar. I enter three new long positions: (1) Dec 07 Gold (new high); (1) Dec 07 Canada $ (new high); and (1) Dec 07 Cotton (off trend line). I also notice Crude made a new high, but do not enter a position based on high collective risk for the day.

I am stop out of Gold with an approximate 1% loss (of total equity). While reviewing my chart-based stops, I notice I am willing to take an approximate 1.5% risk on cotton and a 2% risk on the Canadian Dollar.

I feel I am obsessed with Cotton as I am chasing this market (both short and long) since June with a small, collective net gain. I also feel I am trying to catch a turn in Sugar, as I am previously short this market the first half of this year.

I feel good about both today's Gold and Canadian Dollar trades, as I am previously long these markets and re-entering after a consolidation and on a new high.

I seem to have no plan to enter / exit markets. I am considering using an ATR (average true range) basis for stops, as well as chart-based stops.

Thank you for sharing your process.

You might consider taking your feelings about <obsession> and <catching a turn> and <re-entering a market> to Tribe.

When you are willing to experience all these feelings and still take all your signals from your system, you may have a chance to implement a trading system.

If you find yourself trading by your feelings (or to avoid feelings), and trading often, you may be using the markets as Fred's Playground.

Sticking to a Weight-Loss Plan

Thu, 11 Oct 2007

Wants to Know the Trend

Ed,

There is no such thing as "The Trend."  Trend is a definition that you bring to a chart.  Short-term, medium-term and long-term trends may all be different.

FAQ does not recommend specific trading system parameters. See Ground Rules.

Thu, 11 Oct 2007

Demanding Feelings

Dear Ed,

Wow, I am disappointed that I get no answer to my last send.  (See: previous: Hoping)
 

I wanted to write something to fight the chartists and traders going short in Dow (yawn) and demand more mails about feelings.

Thank you for sharing your process.

Thu, 11 Oct 2007

Lots of Loss

Hi Ed,

I write to you in August after experiencing a tremendous losses in my trading program. I also write about the fact that I have seriously injured my marriage through a betrayal. I cite the feelings that arise in all of this tumult, eg. a churning or sickness in my stomach. I commit at that time to rebuilding both my marriage and my trading equity.

To date, my results are not encouraging. Though my trading program recoups some equity in September, a poor start to October has me back to where I am at the end of August. Though I have modified my system to better deal with the sort of swoon that I encountered from mid-July to mid-August, the research that I have done suggests that I am better served by waiting until after I get out of drawdown before implementing any changes. However, if I were to suffer another downdraft like the one from Jul-Aug, my system's circuit breakers would be switched and the program would get turned off. I feel stuck and frustrated. As my equity continues to bounce around near the bottom, I feel tired and raw.

My progress in rebuilding my marriage is even less encouraging. In our tribe, I commit repeatedly over the course of the summer and into the fall that I will be a better receiver and a sender with my wife.

I find myself totally frustrated with her unwillingness to engage on a meaningful level. Our communication generally centers only on the circumstantial, like what is going on with the children or what she does during the day etc. On those few occasions where we broach the subject of my betrayal, it is routinely a scenario where she lashes out at me and I accept her lashing out, and continue to reiterate my sorrow and regret for having committed the betrayal.

Thank you for sharing your process.

You might consider taking your feelings about <loss> to Tribe.

Sadness is a Feeling

that associates with loss.

One of the positive intentions

of experiencing the feeling of loss

is to develop resources

to prevent loss.

People who are unwilling

to experience loss

typically engineer a surplus

of loss into their lives.

Clip: http://slog.thestranger.com/files/