Contributors Say

Friday, June 19, 2009

Long-Term Changes in Tribe Members
 

Dear Ed,

As I walk down the hall to our tribe meeting this week I see members of our tribe standing outside the room talking and I think of the contrast of how they look now compared to how they looked the first time they attended one of our meetings. The way they hold their body, their facial expressions and movements.

I feel happy and satisfied to see the improvements each has made for themselves by participating, exploring their feelings and working on issues in their lives. I also feel the changes I have made and then realize that they no doubt see these changes in me also.

As the meeting went on I wanted to write you and thank you for continuing to make this work available to others and keeping it alive.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Salesmanship

see:  previous

Dear Ed,

Thank you for your kind insults.

What makes you think I enjoy being called a whiner, arrogant, guilt tripper, nazi, imprecise person?

I had a simple request that you send me a sample trading report and in return I get a string of sarcastic and rude responses.

You have failed to realize that I am trying to help you, and perhaps taking offense to someone offering to trade your funds for you as opposed to asking you to trade their funds for them.

I have calculated my 8.5 year ACAGR to be 79.88% which is double that of Mr. Warren Buffet and is NET of withdrawals.

Your reactions perhaps indicate you regard me as a threat to your "God of trading" complex.

Nice of you to try to give me a complex too. But I assure you I don't require one at the moment.
 

I recall receiving a stream of trades (maybe about one per day) from your "system" that do not tie to any kind of brokerage statement. I do not see any back-test to explain the trades. I find the trading frequency rather high. I find the "probably until August" somewhat arbitrary for a system trader.

My request to you for an equity line and supporting monthly statements results in your making excuses and whining.

You are now apparently responding with  feelings of rejection and anger.

You might consider taking your issues around selling your money management services to Tribe.  Perhaps you can learn to respond in ways that might motivate potential clients to open accounts with you.

Such is the work of the Rocks Process.

I do not know of any money managers who succeed in opening accounts by whining at clients.

Whining is Typically a Resource

in a Medicinal Rock

Clip: http://media.photobucket.com/image/

Friday, June 19, 2009

Looking Like Ben Franklin

Thank you for your support.

Fake Benjamin

The real Benjamin

in on the "real" 100 dollar bill.

Friday, June 19, 2009 

Still Wants Tricks

see: previous
 

Dear Ed,

I do not want tricks. I want to know what you spoke of in Market Wizards as typed below!

Would you ever tell me what it was you were speaking about in that interview?
 

Friday, June 19, 2009

IVTT Meeting Follow-Up

Dear Ed,
 

A wonderful meeting. A great thing happened to me - I met you guys - and now you are stuck [with me].

Please send any contact information you might want me to have, and beware, I will use it.

This Spring 09 Tribe has been one of the most wonderful things I've ever experienced. You guys made me feel wonderful. I can't really explain what a precious gift you have given me, to be included in your group. For one thing I feel smarter than I've ever felt in my life, more focused, and just well really great.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Likes Questions
 

Ed says, "You might consider taking your feelings about <communicating largely by asking questions> to Tribe."

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Co-Workers Become More Friendly
 

Dear Ed:

See Below

I just wanted to share that Jerk IT guy came to my desk after the pathetic, jealous co-worker encouraged him to start communicating in harmony with me.

The Friendly IT guy help me to a great extent yesterday and the A friendly co-worker wish me a good luck for this trip to Reno. Totally different outcome.

OK.

I'm not quite sure what you are saying.

You might consider having someone check your English before you send emails.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Influence

Dear Ed,

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Wants a Format for Presenting Results

Hello Ed,

I can provide you with the information you need, but require a sample of the format-layout you prefer my trades to be displayed as.

As preparatory for "pitching" your services, you might consider:

1.  Catching up with your data logging and reporting,

2. Defining your trading rationale,

3. Preparing a performance summary and charts to show your MAR.

You might also consider taking your feelings about <fairness> and <whining> to Tribe.

The Theory of Fairness

is generally a ploy

to justify re-distribution.

from those who have

to those who whine.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

If you are just starting out, you might consider using Excel as a way to help clarify your ideas and to explore how back-testing works. 

You might also consult the TSP link, above.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Feedback on the Milk Model

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Other Frequently Appearing Resources are:

Sharing feelings.

Receiving others' feelings.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Thanking the Firing Boss

Ed,

I have [an] issue with my ex-boss. I worked in another bank and he offered me a job with his company. After three months and in spite of the crisis (Aug-Dec 08), we did a good job and he still fired me.

Before the Workshop I was upset because he offered me the job and after three months he fired me!

After the workshop, I thought about what exactly was it that I wanted to do, what my real desire is Money Management.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Feedback Loop

A feedback loop is a structure in which the signal output from each element feeds around through the other elements and back to itself.

The Feedback Loop is the basic interactive structure in EcoNowMics.

You might consider working through the exercises on the EcoNowMics pages to get a feel for feedback, feedback systems and feedback loops.

The Signal Output Feeds Back

to Modify the Input

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Reading Historical FAQ's

Hi Ed,

I thank you for your support. I continue to review my Big Wave and achieve further clarity. I have an "AHA" moment when I focus on reading FAQ 2003.

It is so powerful an experience that I read FAQ 2004 immediately.

Focusing on the FAQ increases my clarity about the TTP processes and trend following. The insights and teachings in FAQ is more than any book volume can ever contain and I thank Ed for this resource.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Aha!
 

Dear Ed,

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Copyright

http://www.seykota.com/tribe/faq/

2008_Dec/15/Lebensweisheiten.pps

I am happy to remove the item.

If you wish to protect your work, you might consider applying a copyright notice to it.

When you contact your lawyer, you might point out to him that his profession rests upon the the notions of blame and guilt and that these, in turn, rest upon the causal model.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Intention Empowers In-Vitro

Ed,

My wife and I commit ourselves to the goal of having a child. We have fertility issues, so we acknowledge it's a long-term project with an uncertain result. After a few years we seek assistance, and resolve to pay a lot of money if necessary.

We experience our feelings when we are stopped out on our first three IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) attempts. We begin to doubt that we will ever succeed, although there is no known medical reason why we should be failing repeatedly. Our doctors claim to be surprised, saying they thought ours would be a straight-forward case.

They say that there are probably undetectable factors preventing us from conceiving. My wife is very upset. I feel inadequate and empty, and frightened for our relationship.

I think about some of the wisdom I have read on the Tribe website. I suggest to my wife that as a "straight-forward" case, with an estimated 50% chance of success on each attempt, we may be experiencing a series of unfavorable "coin tosses." I demonstrate this by repeatedly tossing a coin, which comes up heads eight times in a row.

We stick with the plan and pull the trigger. On our fourth IVF attempt, we catch a big wave. We couldn't be happier:

Congratulations!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Wants Tricks

Ed,

You might consider taking your feelings about <wanting to know tricks> to Tribe.

Monday, June 15, 2009

EcoNowMics

Ed,

Although frequency-framing and time-framing may be mathematically equivalent, I prefer "frequency" to the reciprocal, "time."

We tend to think of color (blue) and pitch  (A-440) as frequencies, not as time or distance between waves.

We tend to think of repetitive events in terms of frequency.  Your heart rate might be between 60 and 120 beats per minute.  You have breakfast once per day. 

Monday, June 15, 2009

Spotting Issues

You are welcome.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Communication Forms

You might consider taking your feelings about <communicating largely by asking questions - rather than by sharing feelings> to Tribe.

Here is a website with some forms of communication:

http://www.musicalenglishlessons.org/

vocabulary/communication.htm

Monday, June 15, 2009

Wants to Talk

Welcome

Forest Gate

(London)

England

Monday, June 15, 2009

Sixteen Tons

Dear Ed,

I thought you would enjoy this:

Clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?

Monday, June 15, 2009

Milk Model Java Applet

Ed,

I notice the improvement in the Milk Model java applet.

I recall a week or so ago that the rate control slider seems overly sensitive, and now the slider sensitivity feels controllable. Perhaps the delay
between time steps is slowed now, giving the user of the application more response time.

I like the feel of the control now.

I notice the issues with the "ghosting".

Monday, June 15, 2009

On The Margin

Dear Ed,

The simulation does not include a margin monitor. 

Monday, June 15, 2009

His Wife's View of TTP

She Likes It

Dear Ed,

I mentioned to Ed that my wife has a Master's degree in Clinical Counseling with a specialty in Family Systems. Ed asks what changes my wife notices since my involvement with TTP. Below is her response.
 

****

Monday, June 15, 2009

Control ==> Intimacy

Relationship with Wife Improving

Dear Ed,

As I announced, I was in [Country] for 6 days; hence, I am sending you the report of the last two weeks.

I observed some further progress in my responses. I try to ask myself “how do I react from an intimacy perspective” as frequently as possible. When I do it, I am receptive to the feelings of the other person and I can also talk about my feelings while I avoid manipulation. The process is turning smoother and more automatic. This is the nice part.

I also experience a major improvement in the relationship with my wife.

Frequently, as I try to show her my affection, she expresses rejection. This happens again, and I get really mad. I am so furious that for minutes I ask myself what to do. I experienced this situation frequently before; for years I carried the feeling of anger the whole day and engaged myself in endless drama. This time I talk to my wife about my feelings. As I tell her how angry I am, I start crying. I feel desolated. I tell her that I cannot stand the feeling of being rejected when I try to show her my feelings. I keep on crying. After some instants, I enjoy it, I laugh, and I feel elated.

Then, I can explain to her very calmly that I try to show her what I feel for her, and that I don't know what to do when she turns away or shows rejection. She is not annoyed or freaked out.

She listens to me. It is not the first time that I tell her about the problem, but it is the first time that she understands how I feel.

I observe that I have problems with the issue “rejection”. I wonder how my wife reacts to me when I resolve this issue on the Hotseat.

The bad part is that I experience several situations in which I react instinctively, and in this case I do not accept the feelings of the other person or express my own feelings. This happens several times in [Country].

Thank you for sharing your process.

You might consider taking your feelings about <rejection> to Tribe.

Rejection

The positive intention

is guidance toward another path.

Clip: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_

cZ0ofZdz2V8/ScZTZWIcyqI/AAAAAAAAAo0/

Monday, June 15, 2009

Voluntary and Involuntary Intention

Ed,

For about 30 years, I have never taken responsibility for the unpleasant results I got. I've always blamed others and things when I got an unpleasant result. Of course, when I got a pleasant result, I was the unique cause of my success: no luck, no thanks to others, no thanks to things, just and only thanks to me and my smartness and intellect.

About my intentions, I notice that I always made one distinction: my voluntary intention and my involuntary intention. Moreover, what I called "intention" was actually a "wish" in the non-existing future, not at all "the structure of my system" now in the present.

Finally, thanks to you great Chief, I understand that what I call "voluntary intention" is what my conscious mind tells me, and what I call "involuntary intention" is what Fred tells me to do.

That is to say, I thought for 30 years that I was not responsible for my Fred and I notice that many people still think in that way.

Indeed, we may waste all our lives by not taking responsibility. Intention is just Intention, there is not "voluntary" intention neither "involuntary" intention: intention is intention and nothing else.

For 30 years, I was in a wrong direction.

Thank you for sharing your process.

People who Claim

their Results differ from their Intentions

and that someone else is to blame

reveal their real intentions

are to blame.

Clip: http://www.poppendieck.com/

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Ambiguity and Irritation

Hi Ed,

Thanks for your answer.

Ed says, "The More You Obsess about Progress, the more loopy you get." (FAQ 6/5/09, "Move to Another Form of Communication")

I totally agree with that statement. It is what prompts me to ask you about Progress in the first place.

However, it seems that measuring progress is inherent in the Big Wave Process, for we specifically come up with measurement criteria to keep track of our progress.

Moreover, measuring progress also seems to be inherent in all tribal work as we test for willingness, as you mention in "Willingness Testing" (FAQ, 12/14/08), "Sometimes people say they are willing to do the work and then they do not do it and they do not make progress." (It seems that we use their result of no progress as an indication of
their real intention - which is unwillingness to do the work)

So my questions are:

You might consider taking your feelings about <inconsistency>, <ambiguity> and <irritation> to Tribe.

Trying to Rid the World of Ambiguity

is one good way

to justify feelings of irritation.

Clip: http://i.zdnet.com/blogs/then-a-

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Control, Intimacy and Progress

You might consider working through the examples on EcoNowMics. 

Progress can have a couple of meanings.

 

You can make progress within the loop by moving toward the goal (filling the glass). 

 

You can also make progress by staying in the now, observing your glass-filling policy and allowing it to evolve.

In Matters of Complaining and Arguing

You can make progress

by complaining loudly

and by winning arguments.

You can also make progress

by learning other communication styles.

Clip: http://www.tailored.com.au/uploaded_images

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Errors

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Lift of Auto-Rotating Plant Seeds
 

Hello Ed,

I think you might find this interesting. I read an article in Spiegel-online about the lift of rotating plant seeds.
 

Clip: http://www.sciencemag.org/cgi/

content/abstract/324/5933/1438

Thank you for the link.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Becoming Aware of Feelings

Dear Tribe;

Report for the week of June 15th.

This week my account value changed by <.20%> I happily was stopped out several times and happily bought back in. I'm not happily higher- but I did save myself some money and losses. I'm a tiny bit sad - if all losses are sadness, but content that my losses weren't much, much worse. I am here to make Money.

I am noticing this week that I'm getting attached to some of my better performing stocks. I observe my attachment. I remind myself that stocks are not people. It seems like a lesson I should have absorbed long ago- but here it is. I need to relearn it.
 

FAQ days 5
Gym 7
Yoga 5
German 5
Travel 3
 

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Health & Fitness

Dear Ed,

I notice the support you receive with regards to weight loss and getting into shape as I catch up on recent FAQ postings. I would also like to support you on getting into shape.

I am a former "fat boy". I struggled with being overweight for most part of my life. Since 2001, I managed to change that. I go to the gym regularly and maintain a clean, healthy diet. The change in lifestyle also changes my life positively in many other ways. I have some of my best insights while exercising.

I take a systematic approach to achieving my fitness goals. I have attached some of the training/nutrition plans I follow, which I got from various sites and adapted to my personal circumstances.

I do not claim expertise in the area, but health and fitness is another subject of great interest to me.

I am more than happy to support you on your current exercise / nutrition plan or work with you on developing a system that suits you which I can also support you on following.

I am very excited about supporting you on your book and look forward to focusing my efforts on this project.

Thank you for your support.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Making Lemonade from Lemons

Dear Ed,

A great realization just came in the moment of NOW. My contrarian behavior and success in the stock market has come mainly because of lack of support, guidance and family bonding in my childhood when I had to choose independently what was best for me under those circumstances and ensure odds in my favor.

I took decisions based on what I felt was best for me given the lemons I was handed over continuously. I did what was fat pitch at that point of NOW. I now see the positive side of lack of support and bonding.

"Aha!!"

Thank you for sharing your process.

Sunday, June 14, 2009
 

Staying in the NOW reduces Stress.

Dear Ed,

I have finished all my office / work related clutter based on Bill Gates’ one remark about Charlie Munger. I am now focusing on clearing house clutter and then on to mental clutter. Clearing clutter has helped me to be in NOW.

Your guidance about NOW is helping me. I have realized why I am attracted to Trading Tribe. It is because of a lack of family support, bonding and very difficult circumstances during my childhood. It is deprival syndrome and craving for teamwork.

I am a contrarian guy and have always taken independent decisions, but the bonding craving is still there. I now accept that craving the way it is and have observed that it is losing its power over me.

I met one of your Trading Tribe members recently and was amazed to see the difference in his attitude. Noticed how calm he is. Your FAQ has to a certain extent become a platform for people to express their inner feeling and get support and guidance in the NOW. Just like how Warren Buffett has helped many investors with his clarity, your guidance is helping many people in the moment of NOW.

I am still not a trader but have decided to become one and so I am reading and learning a lot. I have organized life in such a way that I can devote much more time towards learning.

Thank you for sharing your process.

Worrying About

the Non-Existing Past and Future

disappears in the moment of now.

Clip: http://americanretirementsolutions.wdfiles.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Engine Runs on Less Alcohol

Dear Ed:

I hope you are well. I am impressed with the New Economic Section. Thank you for sharing your valuable knowledge.

Since the last IV meeting, I have been kind of spaced out for a bit. I guess in a positive way. After all the workshops and rock processes, I feel like the last rock process was the deepest one I have ever experienced and certainly the most tough dealing with. I am going through adjustment everyday. I am glad and feel fortunate that I cornered myself in to getting to the rock and replacing with the proactive one. With a help of you and other tribe members.

Things that touched me the most was when you actually shared your feelings to role player. In this case was a "Pathological Jealous Mother". During the willingness testing, Ed process manages me in to identify in to finding the root rock that is controlling me. I like to point out I got to corner my self in to this situation as hot seat and willing sender by keep measurement of my progress of bumper sticker and or Big Wave. By measuring, the truth will prevail. So I have problem. I have a glitch in my system and I want to fix it.

I corner myself and Ed and the tribe is there to support me with my willingness. One thing for sure, even with your willingness, unless there is support from your tribe members, it is impossible in my opinion to share your feelings during role playing. By feelings, I mean true feelings. Before the last IV meetings, I participated in a local tribe meeting and had done the rock process and one of the proactive rocks was "Share True Feelings" This was a big one for me. This contributed to the IV rock process. Ironically, one of the new resource I got during the IV rock process was "Be Creative and Combine" so that worked out very good for me"

Going back to share true feelings, during the rock process, Messenger provided me with a brand new proactive rock. I accept the rock. Now we start role playing again and there is the opportunity to share your feelings, however initially I maneuvered and said something different and try to explain instead of sharing feelings. Messenger and process manager keep guiding me to get back on track to share true feelings. I keep maneuvering to something else and yet messenger keeps and helps me back on track to share feelings.

Ed is the process manager and he finally gets me down to either sharing my feelings now or I am wasting everyone's time and we stop the process. I pause for a moment and decided to face my mother and started to share my feelings:
 

I am embarrassed
I am upset,
I am very SAD
finally I am very DISAPPOINTED
 

I like to point out Messenger keeps helping me to say to my mother "It's mine" "It's mine" "It's mine" over and over again to her. I feel this gave me a tremendous resource and "Aha's". I notice that I lost everything before. My money, my house I mean everything. Now I am trending up again and I tell you right now "it is mine" and I am keeping everything and I will own.

I notice me working in the brokerage firm is a drama. The Firm will end up or position itself to take everything you worked for anyway. When I came home to my apartment, I realized that I don't have anything - so I end up buying some nice furniture to claim as it's mine.

When I got back to work, I noticed a lot of things that I did not noticed before. A co-worker who is pathologically jealous and angry at me doesn't seem to feel that way towards me. I do notice him trying to engage others to feel that way. I also notice some people act in certain ways toward me so that I feel sad and disappointed.

IT guy at my work is a great example, he is very friendly and smiling all year until you ask him to help with some computer trouble, he becomes this total jerk. He even told me do it myself. After a little drama exchange in email, I end up telling him that I am very disappointed with him and told him Good Luck at the end of email. I felt so good after that. I felt like a million bucks.

My sales assistant came back from maternity leave and she looks very happy. She asked me if she should work with me via email and I shut down for few hours and basically told her I would.

Wether this is drama is not known. She portrays herself to be a powerful, dictating, controlling beautiful woman, however I suspect she is not. I know she is more professional than my secondary assistant when it comes down to it. So I feel OK with my decision. She was very happy about it. My true feeling is, I like working with her. I even want her to come with me when I start my hedge fund.

Right now, I don't feel the urge to look for girlfriends and all that. I feel like I just want to enjoy being at home and adjust to taking care of myself first. My urge for alcohol has become less than one. I don't over eat anymore either.  I just eat when I feel necessary. I like a nice meal at a restaurant every now and then. I don't feel scared to receive women's feelings anymore. I notice that I don't throw trash on the street anymore. If I do I pick it up immediately and make sure I throw it in the trash can.

Despite my mother's abuse, I don't feel any bit of hatred toward her. I love her more actually. She was a good mother after all. My father too. They did their best.

During the process manage, I tell Ed "She's got to stop!" and Ed tells me "No you have got to stop!" Yeah the bottom line is you want change in your life you have got to change yourself.

To be honest I felt intensely distant at the check in last IV meeting. I wonder why. Probably because [Name] was not there. I was not feeling like I wanted to write to FAQ because I was feeling isolated but [Name] called me today and he shared some encouraging story about his big wave. I was very happy for him.

He encouraged me to go out to socialize, I had a party to go to but I ended up sleeping. I have just got to find some other way to meet women. I just don't enjoy being around alcohol anymore. I am OK though, I am sure I'll meet the right girl soon. I feel at peace and that's most important to me right now.

It's a long email and I like to end soon. I bought a DVD called Planet Earth produced by BBC. It shows all the cycles on earth. How the animal kingdom works. I guess its part of system dynamics. I used to think I was a lion in a previous life, but I guess humans are a collection of animals. Sometimes like a lion and sometimes like Sonja from this clip.
 

See Sonja eating worms:

Clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Th199ySVdU

Congratulations on cutting back on alcohol and on becoming more comfortable receiving women.

You may notice various women who like men who are sober and emotionally available circulating in your vicinity.

At some point you may become aware that one of them is special.

Connections Occur

when you allow them.

Clip: http://honeymoonsinc.com/UserDyn/

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Critical Damping

Friday, June 12, 2009

Testing Software

Hi Ed,

I have a back-and-forth tug-of-war with myself and with my Tribe mates over my commitment to be what I say I want to be in the future. And over what my exact intentions are.

I feel exasperation because I feel others don't understand me and because now I feel I am "doing it wrong."

I want to go hide and cry and feel sorry for myself. Sometimes, I want to die and it gets scary. I have a lot of emotions and have tried meditation to calm them. I have practiced since college and it has helped a great deal. However, now because of health issues, I cannot practice regularly.

I try to take the hot seat very often to help me deal with my emotions and I try to "feel my feelings" throughout the day, but I find that I quit very easily and jump to another method that might be able to help me.

I flip-flop. I never really flip-flopped with meditation because I really believe in it. I guess as of yet, I really do not believe in TTP. I will keep working on the hot seat to see if I have a major "Aha" that convinces me of TTP's power.

I also want to ask you about simulation software. I have been working very diligently on custom software programmed in C#. Since I am currently unemployed, I have been able to work on my software for about 60 hrs a week for over a month and a half now. I have made great progress and learned a great deal about programming.

However, I am becoming very antsy to start back-testing systems, yet I still have a long way to go in developing the software. I found a post of yours from Feb 2006 where you state that "To simulate interactive portfolios with multiple systems, multiple instruments, multiple entry and exit points - that also respond to upswings and drawdowns in equity, you may have to write your own simulator." It seems to me that you felt at that time that available software was inadequate and I agree with you.

However, there now seems to be available a software that does all of these things and also lets you custom program additional features.

I wanted to ask you if you think there are any benefits beyond those mentioned in the quoted post above to building one's own software.

Thank you for sharing your process.

You might consider taking your feelings about <wanting to calm your feelings> to Tribe.

Current versions of commercial software can do a pretty good job of back-testing and even live signal generation.

You might encounter some difficulties coordinating "to the penny" with an actual trading account and / or calling your C# library.

Death

The Ultimate Method for Calming Feelings.

Clip: http://www.clipartheaven.com/clipart/

Friday, June 12, 2009

Programming Dynamic Systems

Hi Ed,

I follow the iThink system structure to complete the exercise.

Following my initial confusion I do some reading around negative feedback and I come across the following statements in Study Notes In System Dynamics by M. Goodman:

The concept of control entails goal orientation;

Goal directed action is fundamental to human social behavior.
 

Friday, June 12, 2009

Trading Insight

Hi Ed,

I just had an insight I wish to share. Trend Traders are often in winning positions when the positions correct against them. For years I would agonize over these moves against me, knowing my system would not sell as the market fell lower.

Often I was correct on my imaginary counter trend trades during these corrections, so I thought I may as well try it out and save a little money. Often times I would sell a portion of my long as the market fell, and I would be temporarily correct, the market would then decline more. Then it would stop declining and move higher again. In the best case scenario I would identify a point to buy them back and it was usually above where I sold before.

So the trend continues and I end up losing a little money on what was a well timed sale. And since corrections happen more often than trend reversals, I could save a little money on a trend reversal, or put the position back on at a possibly much higher price. The behavior I displayed was a counter productive bad odds play. Yet it often felt good because I got to “call the reversal” if I was right.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Brother and Sister / Sending and Receiving

Ed,

You might like this.

Friday, June 12, 2009
 

Major Breakthroughs

Hi Ed,

Thank you for your ongoing support.

This is quite a lengthy report. I am awe-struck by the power of the TTP-Workshop experience: I can report to you a big breakthrough!

I achieve an important milestone in my life, namely, the confidence part of my Big Wave.

My Big Wave = The confidence to be spontaneous / myself.

During the past month I experience a steady increase in my confidence:
 

A) I feel less and less anxiety when intending to talk to strangers;

B) Negative reactions from other people have less and less effect on me;

C) I feel steadily less uncomfortable when looking someone in the eye

D) I have an overall feeling of confidence in my body (hard to define).
 

I notice that all these qualities are hard to measure, so I realize that I might be deluding myself.

However:

On Friday, I go to a live music venue with my girlfriend. I intend to talk to several strangers as part of my big wave, and I actually do so too. Then I see two women at the bar. One of them has a lot of silicon in her body. Not just in her chest, but, from what I gather, also in her buttocks (Yes, this is [city] ).

She has a beautiful face. More importantly, she has an aura of “Don’t you dare approach me!”. I briefly discuss with my girlfriend whether her butt is real or fake. Normally I definitely avoid approaching unsympathetic-looking or intimidating people. But now, I feel my new confidence. I also feel a strange feeling in my knees.

And I am curious whether she has butt-implants or not. So I walk right up to her, look straight into her ice-cold eyes, and ask whether she has any idea how much butt implants cost. She says: “please talk Spanish”, so I repeat the question, part in Spanish, part sign language. When she gets it, she starts to giggle, and consults her friend. Finally she says: “This is all natural”. So I say: “Congratulations, you are very lucky then”. Then I excuse myself and walk off.

The whole interaction takes maybe a minute or so. But it feels like a major victory. This is definitely the most intimidating woman I ever walked up to in my life.

The next three days I have a funny feeling in my head. A sort of tingling on the right hand side, as if a previously inactive part of my brain has been activated. I also feel happy and extremely confident.

June, 1: I go for my weekly run on the beach. During a walking break, I am getting teary-eyed, totally out of the blue. I am touched by the quality of my life. All of a sudden, I accept it the way it is, and I see the quality of it; to live as free as a bird. This is the life that suits me; I just didn't know it yet.

At the end of my run I am thirsty. Normally I just KNOW that I am thirsty without any specific feelings. But now, I actually notice the feeling of thirst. A dry feeling from the back of my mouth all the way down to my stomach. This is a first for me! (side note: I still haven’t experienced the feeling of hunger yet).

Later that day I chat with my girlfriend. She notices how extremely talkative I am. She asks me if I am on drugs!

June, 3: I have a giggle attack. Basically I can’t stop laughing about a silly thought. I laugh for maybe 20 minutes. I can’t remember the last time I did this. Definitely several decades ago! I also feel the feeling of laughter in the part of my stomach where the muscles tense. So THIS is laughter! Funny, I used to laugh with my mouth only. Now, my stomach is joining in.

June, 4: Back in [Country], I notice subtle differences in how I interact with people. It definitely confirms my increased confidence. I notice how extremely shy most people in [Country] are. Although I used to be like that, now I find it silly. I don't feel shy anymore. In fact I now feel like I have something precious and rare in my possession.

June,5: I go out with my girlfriend. When she is away to the bathroom, a woman makes a negative observation about me, saying, “Wow, you sure look moody, don't you have a good time?” This type of negative perception from a stranger used to bother me a lot. But now I think: “Your statement says more about yourself than about me.”

And I really feel that way. It's not a 'learned' feeling, but an automatic one.

I suppose this is TTP at work.

June 7: We go to my cousins for dinner. I notice how many stories I am telling. And I enjoy telling them. There is an enthusiasm I never feel about my own stories.

--------

OK, so it looks like I achieve the confidence part. I intend to consolidate this confidence by continuing to do the things I measure in my original Big Wave.

Thank you all for supporting me! Once again I realize how much I missed support in the past.

But I would also like to ask your ongoing support. I wish to define “spontaneous / myself”, as this is important in order to be able to achieve it, as [name] rightly pointed out to me.

With spontaneous / myself I don’t mean everything I already am, but specifically the missing part. To me, the missing part is my sense of humor and my creativity.

With sense of humor, I mean my own speech which fulfills the following 3 conditions:
 

1) I say it spontaneously (without previous thought)

2) it surprises me

3) it makes me laugh
 

I had a period in my life when I was so unconcerned with the next day or even the next minute, and with people’s perception of me, that this sense of humor occurred on a regular basis. However, when I TRY to be funny, it doesn’t work of course. It has to be spontaneous and unintended. And there has to be a complete neglect of the future. No planning, no anticipating, no deep thinking. Totally letting go of the future. Basically living by the senses, living in the NOW, and following the natural attention, instead of forcing it in un-spontaneous directions. I have to get rid of this forced attention, the one they taught us at school, and let attention once again float freely; free like a butterfly.

Another missing part of being spontaneous / myself, is my being creative (creativity = finding uncommon solutions for everyday problems).

This is another part I used to have, and lost along the road. I presume creativity and sense of humor go hand in hand.

So I think my task, in order to achieve spontaneity, is to totally live in the NOW.

In order to live in the now,
 

A) I need to plan less, and live more “on-the-fly”

B) I need a lot more faith in my spontaneous judgment. For example, when I go to the doctor, the dentist or the accountant, I should go there totally unprepared, without rehearsing what I am going to say.

C) …
 

Thank you for sharing your process.

Implants are Real Too

(real implants)

Clip: http://playgirlmag.files.wordpress.com/2008/

Friday, June 12, 2009

I think of a strategy as a set of rules for converting information into action. In the milk model, a strategy and a policy are similar.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Thank you for sharing your process.

Travelling the Path from Control-Centric

to Intimacy-Centric relating

tends to bring out many insights

about manipulation.

Clip: http://www.robertbrownanimation.com

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Tribe Meeting Report

Ed,

I report about an interesting tribe meeting. I am visiting the Tribe in [City]. My sister is among the participants. She takes the hot seat and I manage her process. Her issue is “I procrastinate when I have to make a decision”. She starts talking and mentions “changing things shows that something is not OK, and I always have to show that everything is OK with me”.

As she says that, her eyes glance and I start crying bitterly. She is very surprised about my emotional outpour. I mention that PM and hot seat frequently echo each other, and I am just reflecting how she feels, since she does not allow herself to show feelings.

I ask her for willingness to work on the issue. She shows a first form (rubbing her finger). I suggest
her to increase it. However, the process does not progress. I try to find the issue. Is it to change things? To decide? To show that something is not
perfect? After a long trying, we find the issue: “I do things for people to like me / people do not love me for what I am, but for the things that I do”.

She is very distressed, and I ask her if she agrees that I accompany her, being with her in her struggle.

In my view, this is the most intimate form of support: I feel the same that hot seat feels, and I am there holding its hand and walking with hot seat while it carries out the process. I just mention that it is OK to feel that way, that she can feel more of it, and that I am there with her. No drumming, no noise at all. Nobody speaks.

However, as every time that I do it this way, the process is very intense. She completes the form. I feel the release of tension in my own body and, as I ask her how she feels, she reports that the feeling is not there anymore.

We check out. As I check out, I start talking about my experience and I start crying. I cannot hold it, and cry for a long time, until it feels joyful. My sister checks out as last one and reports about her feelings and her surprise about my emotional outpour. I tell her that by working on her issues she is healing me and all people in the room, and I am very thankful for her courage.

I take the hot seat with the feeling “I have several important issues right now, and don't know where to begin”.

I show a form that appeared several times before: rubbing my eyes with my hands. The process manager is inexperienced (as everybody in the Tribe) and does not know how to proceed further.

However, I firmly commit to not control it. I cannot go further, but I want to finish the issue. I think about a Rock process, but that should mean me telling PM what to do and managing my own process. I don't know what to do. I am very surprised as PM suggests a role playing.

I re-enter the process, I show the form and suddenly realize what it means: I am lying on my stomach, covering my eyes in fear, and my father is beating me with his belt. I mention that and ask PM to hit me with his belt. He does it bravely, I really feel the hit, but do not say a word, since I do not want to control the process. After some hits I experience an explosion of anger, stand up and shout (addressing my father) “stop that son of a ***- stop that son of a*** - stop that son of a ***” several times.

Thank you for sharing your process.

Thursday, June 11, 2009
 

Istanbul - Turkey Tribe Update

Hello Ed,

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Thank you for sharing your process.

Thursday, June 11, 2009
 

Levitator

Ed,