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Questions

(Quotes from Ed in Red)

Fri, 30 Sep 2005

Profitable

Fri, 30 Sep 2005

You might note you are using price as a reason even though no price appears in the notice.  Relying on having no money can be an expensive dependency.

Fri, 30 Sep 2005

The Incline Village Trading Tribe and the Breathwork Weekends are high-intensity engagements for people who commit deeply to practicing and developing the work.

Many self-development disciplines use forms of intentional breathing. You can find about a quarter of a million references to Breathwork on Google.

In TTP, Breathwork refers to a three-day process including substantial preparation, perspiration and  postperation plus about about 2-3 hours of intentional breathing.

There are more ways to breathe.

then there are breathers

Clip: http://www.wau.nl/isow/Activities/yoga.htm

Fri, 30 Sep 2005

Responsibility Model


Chief Ed,

In the Wed 21 2005 post (see
http://www.seykota.com/tribe/FAQ/

2005_Sep/Sep_15/index.htm  ) ,

You are comparing a basic tenet of TTP with a cliché and+, finding some differences. 

Your cliché uses responsibility in the sense of assigning accountability, as in: you are responsible for bringing the cookies to the meeting.  In this sense, the parties make an agreement about who is bringing the cookies.  Your cliché alludes to some management problems that associate with ambiguous assignment of responsibility.

The legal system uses responsibility in the sense of (non-existing) causality, as in: you are responsible for the "accident."  This sense supports the notions of guilt and blame and is useful in our legal system for extracting reparations (occasionally from the bad guy, or the rich guy).

In TTP, responsibility is a notion that links intention to result, as in: I intend to post this answer to the FAQ website, I take responsibility for posting it, and the result is this post.

If I declare an intention and do not manifest the result, then I know I am not taking responsibility.

When the members of a Tribe all subscribe to the same snapshot, and take responsibility for it manifesting, all manner of unforeseeable support arrives to promote the initiative and the result manifests like magic.

A corollary is that we are all responsible for things being exactly the way they are.

If even a few percent of the population were to intend to fortify the Louisiana levees, or to balance the federal budget or to increase the efficiency of the school system, and it these people were to all declare personal responsibility to manifest the intention, you could witness some real magic.

It appears the real intention of most people is to ride along with the way it is.  Meanwhile, the clear and strong intention of a few persons who profit by expanding the current systems is suffiecient to ensure continuing growth and degradation of these systems.

Even in Games of Chance

Intention = Result

Fri, 30 Sep 2005

Snapshot


Dear Ed,

Can you please describe what a "snapshot" is in more detail, or provide a reference to it.

A snapshot, per TTP has several properties:

Fri, 30 Sep 2005

Thu, 29 Sep 2005

Cookies, Ad-ware, Pizza, Privacy

http://www.adcritic.com/interactive/

Thu, 29 Sep 2005

Will Not Attend

Thu, 29 Sep 2005

Limit Up / Down

Good catch.

At this point in TSP, I have no provision for inhibiting trading basis lock-limit. 

Methods for flagging the lock-limit condition include:

Thu, 29 Sep 2005

Japan, Australia and the Far East


Dear Ed,

I hope that the fellow-hood of Donchian and Seykota have not missed out on Japan, Australia and the Far East just recently. Here's three charts.

best wishes all,

Japan Nikkei 225 Index

 Singapore Straits Times Index

 Australian All Ordinaries Index

Wed, 28 Sep 2005

$300,000,000 Looking for Managers

FYI


San Bernardino Plans Portable Alpha Strategy
 

Wed, 28 Sep 2005

Yes.

Paramahamsa Hariharananda, Paramahamsa Prajnanananda and I all have beards, although mine is mostly an artifact of irregular shaving.

Baba P. H.

Baba P. P.

On their website,

the PH jpg is one pixel wider

Wed, 28 Sep 2005

Just Until October

Tue, 27 Sep 2005

The crossover point is the point at which the tension in a form resolves. 

One technique we sometimes employ is now- surfing - that is, staying just on the point of release as long as possible, in order to fully experience it.

Surfing the Now

and being at one with the experience

Tue, 27 Sep 2005

Hot Seat Experience

Ed,

Hot seat feedback:

I arrive at Ed's house knowing that I am going to take the hot seat about being anxious and impatient. I have not been paid an incentive fee in nine months and my management fees do not cover all my company expenses, yet.

At the end of August I up a little over 10% before fees for the year. My incentive fees are paid out quarterly so all I have to do is make it until the end of September to get paid.

I trade a long-term trend following system that is heavily investing in energy at the moment. The whole month of September I watch it decline and erode away all of my gains for the year.

I stick to my system and watch it drawdown -10% in September mainly due to the energy decline. I notice that I am anxious about holding my energy positions all the way back down and watching all of my profits disappear. I am also feeling impatient about not getting paid and having my company generate it's own operating cash flow.

I take the hot seat and get right into my forms. I notice that I am clenching my jaw shut and squinting my eyes as I hold my breath. Ed says notice how it feels to hold those energy positions all the way back down and feel the squeeze from the short sellers.

Now this time really feel the squeeze. I cannot stand the feeling. I do not like giving back big profits especially right at the end of the quarter.

Next, I get into the form of writing checks to my company from my personal account and having to pay lawyers, credit cards, data vendors, the cable bill, the phone bill, and a few others.

I experience the feeling of spending, spending, spending, and more spending all coming from my personal account to fund everything. Oh, here come a few more bills, time to write some more checks and spend some more money. Again the feelings are anxiety and impatience.

I keep at it and keep experiencing the feelings and the forms. I notice after a while that I am starting to enjoy the forms and that everything is okay. It is okay to feel what I am feeling. Ed says hold on to those energy positions really tight now and watch your energy positions go straight up and squeeze the
shorts.

Tue, 27 Sep 2005

If you inject a bit of Governmentium into an economic system, the Governmentium increases in mass while the system inflates.  Eventually the system hyper-inflates and the Governmentium implodes.

Implosion

a curious event

in which an object consumes itself.

Clip: http://www.reviewjournal.com/

Tue, 27 Sep 2005

New Tribe

It is getting more and more difficult to travel to my tribe as I have to leave lunch time on the tribe day and return lunch time the next day. So every week the desire for a closer tribe gets stronger. I always felt that I first need to do the workshop to do it right.

Welcome

Pfaeffikon

Switzerland

Mon, 26 Sep 2005

Low Priced Stocks

Velocity is independent of position; trend is independent of price.

velocity is the first derivative of position

Mon, 26 Sep 2005

Tribe Report and Question about the Snapshot

Dear Ed -

I continue to clarify and hardball my original snapshot. So far we have done two sessions of about an hour each. I also spend many (non tribe) hours thinking about, writing and editing this snapshot.


The first time I "hotseated" the snapshot, I bring up a large stack of unhappy judges. It is the most unpleasant, difficult and long hot seat I have ever had in the tribe. I experience a lot of unpleasant feelings in the chest and stomach and every body movement or form that comes up as a judge is NOT fun.

Part of the snapshot process is to communicate it to others.  You might consider taking your feelings about simplifying things (making them easy to see) to your Tribe as an entry point.

Complex

is sometimes just an attempt

to hide

Clip: www.koolpages.com/ tiedyeman/new.html

Mon, 26 Sep 2005

Mandelbrot

Hello Ed,

I read your reply to my email in the FAQ (2 Sept.), sorry for delay I have a lot of work on this time. I have a Mandelbrot indicator based in the explanation in attachment.

The indicator was testing in trading solutions back testing (we avoid over fitting) and survives. We re-testing in a lot of markets and continue working. We re-testing in a random data and still working. But, this indicator alone doesn't generate a buy or sell signal, because it is only a second filter. It only tell us when the trend a bend.

The indicator is a 3D model (3 lines in 3 different time) with a attractor (like Lorenz bell attractor). . This happen when the tree lines are very close to zero.

We trade in the long term using Point & Figure chart. We love to buy when the price test the BSL (Bullish Support Line) because usually offer a good risk/reward for the long term, like Crude. For the medium term we use the Bullish Catapult, Triangle and broken quintuple tops or, in special, a broken Bearish Line Trend. We only trading with 4 or 5 attributes positives, like positive Trend, Relative Strength, Momentum and above moving averages.

But our state of art is our model of risk and money management (see attachment).

RISK MANAGEMENT: We avoid a lot of diversification. Our investment approach focuses on a very limited number of core investments themes that are not highly correlated. In this time we are trading STOCKS (USA and EUROPE), CRUDE and FOREX (EUR/USD and EUR/JYP).

TRADING TRIGGER: Macro economic view (5% - we use in our confidence level); Market psychology (contrarian thinking - we use this in our confidence level - see the attachment); technical analysis (we analyse the sector and after the best stocks or commodities).

MONEY MANAGEMENT: We use stops and trailing stops. We ask all time for a minimum 1:2 Risk/Reward. We choice the stop looking to chart and not looking for money or % of loosing. We limit our loss a percentage of loss, but we don't trying fit the % of loss in the stop or vice versa, we allocate more or less capital to the same percentage of loss. If I estipulate 10% of loss to a trade of 10.000USD , and the stock is 100 USD and STOP LOSS 80 USD. I
will allocate only 5.000 USD and take the stop in 80USD but only asking for a 1:2 risk/reward. We use a percentage bet fix but only look to the
risk/reward.

I see, while you do not have a simulation study, or even a way to generate buy and sell signals, you do have lots of buzz words.

Some Systems are Like Bumblebees

Plenty of Buzz

and then,

 the sting.

Mon, 26 Sep 2005

Hello again Chief,

Welcome

Atlanta

Georgia

Sun, 25 Sep 2005

You are welcome.

Thank you for sharing your process.

Child of Wonder

Fri, 23 Sep 2005

Response to Daily Report (below)

What [Name] just went through, were the issues I had brought to the breath workshop. These issues for me are – feeling angry about a missed trading opportunity – which my system wants me to execute. But as the signal comes, I hesitate because I am fearful because I think I may lose money or I am greedy thinking that I may get a better entry point. Then I miss the trade and see it work profitably had I taken the signal and this makes me angry at myself and then I feel sad and question about me being in "trading business".

But a few weeks after the workshop – I get "insights" – an "aha" or "eureka" moments for me. I say to myself I must make an "ally" of the feelings of anxiety and fear that come over me as I get the trading signal from my system. When I feel these feelings, then I know that I am right (or the system is right). If I don't feel these feelings – this happens when I put a trade on based on just impulse or other people's opinion, or enter too late - then I have found from my trading "mistakes" that I am invariably wrong. So I must take the signal as soon as it arrives and when I am feeling the anxiety and fear. They are thus my allies now!

Then after having pulled the trigger I see that the trade is "just sitting there" or may go slightly against me at first but not quite to my stop level. Then when finally it begins to work and comes to (or close to) my entry cost after being in a loss, I say let's get out so I don't lose anymore money (greed and fear) and thus I don't have to feel this "butterflies in the stomach" – feeling of anxiety and fear. Then I cut it to avoid these feelings. Then after I get out, I see that the trade is going gangbuster in my system's direction – i.e. profitable. Then I say to myself - had I just stayed in (regret), why did I get out (regret and sadness), am I not cut out to be in this business (dejected) etc. But lately, I stick it out.

Then I find myself getting out at a small profit and then I see the trade – had I stayed in – show bigger and bigger profits! I feel even more sad, regretful and completely dejected.

But recently, I have carried out a couple of signals from entry to exit using trailing stops to the fullest of the trend. And boy, do I feel elated when that happens. So just like the feeling of elation is my ally (because I enjoy it) I must make allies with anxiety, fear (pre trade feelings) and then fear again (during the trade – what if it reverses and I lose or give up part of the gains etc).

I need to tell myself "stay calm, balanced and focused at the task at hand" – stay in the moment of now- and let each subsequent moment of now unfold and then either let the stop take me out (and even if I lose money when stopped out, I feel okay – calm – because I know did my best by doing the right thing.

Or if I do carry the trade to the end of the trend and get stopped out on reversal of trend with maximum profits captured – then I am elated because I did the right thing and am showing profit. So profit and loss are just byproducts of doing the right thing in first place by staying in the moment and not getting stressed out and doing the wrong thing by swaying between the past (thinking I lost money last time) and the future (what if I lose money on this trade).

Sticking to the system is "staying in the moment of now".

By not wanting to feel fear and anxiety, was my way of avoiding doing the right thing or the hard thing. This also spills into my business and personal life.

At work, one of my employees was being a malcontent, disgruntled and getting angry at me for no good reason and swearing at me in moments of stress, confronting me on many business and personnel decisions, coming in late, leaving early, taking "too many doctor's appointments" and sick days – and the list goes on and on.

Thank you for sharing your process.

Learning to Enjoy the Form

of Firing

Clip: http://www.detnews.com/pix/

Fri, 23 Sep 2005

London Workshop

Ed,

Any developments with the London workshop or have you been put off by the terrorist activity ?

If so, may I propose Amsterdam as an alternative European venue, convenient & a very short flight for Londoners.

Thu, 22 Sep 2005

MSG by Any Other Name

Hi Ed ! i know you have an interest in MSG, so passing this along.


FOOD ADDITIVE "MSG" IS A SLOW POISON.

Slow Poisoning MSG hides behind 25 or more names, such as

"Natural Flavoring". MSG is also in your favorite Tim Horton's and other brand coffee shops! Pass this on to those who still may be unaware or disbelieving of the dangers of MSG.

I wondered if there could be an actual chemical causingthe massive obesity epidemic, so did a friend of mine, John Erb. He was a  research assistant at the University of Waterloo in Ontario, Canada, and
spent years working for the government.

He made an amazing discovery while going through
scientific journals for a book he was writing called "The Slow Poisoning of America".

In hundreds of studies around the world, scientists were creating obese mice and rats to use in diet or diabetes test studies. No strain of rat or mice is naturally obese, so the scientists have to create them. They make these morbidly obese creatures by injecting them with MSG when they are first born. The MSG triples the amount of insulin the pancreas creates; causing rats (and humans?) to become obese. They even have a title for the
fat rodents they create: "MSG-Treated Rats".

I was shocked too. I went to my kitchen, checking the cupboards and the fridge. MSG was in everything! The Campbell's soups, the Hostess Doritos, the Lays flavored potato chips, Top Ramen, Betty Crocker
Hamburger Helper, Heinz canned gravy, Swanson frozen prepared meals, Kraft salad dressings, especially the 'healthy low fat' ones. The items that
didn't have MSG marked on the product label had something called ''Hydrolyzed Vegetable Protein'', which is just another name for Monosodium
Glutamate. It was shocking to see just how many of the foods we feed our children everyday are filled with this stuff. They hide MSG under many
different names in order to fool those who carefully read the ingredient list, so they don't catch on.

Other names for MSG:

Accent, Aginomoto - Natural Meet Tenderizer, etc.

But it didn't stop there. When our family went out to eat, we started asking at the restaurants what menu items had MSG. Many employees, even the managers, swore they didn't use MSG. But when we ask for the ingredient list, which they grudgingly provided, sure enough MSG and Hydrolyzed Vegetable Protein were everywhere. Burger King, McDonalds, Wendy's, Taco Bell, every restaurant, even the sit down ones like TGIF, Chilis', Applebee's and Denny's use MSG in abundance. Kentucky Fried Chicken seemed to be the WORST
offender: MSG was in every chicken dish, salad dressing and gravy. No wonder I loved to eat that coating on the skin, their secret spice was MSG!

So why is MSG in so may of the foods we eat?.. Is it a preservative or a vitamin?? Not according to my friend John. In the book he wrote, an expose of the food additive industry called "The Slow Poisoning
of America" he said that MSG is added to food for the addictive effect it has on the human body.

http://www.spofamerica.com

Even the propaganda website sponsored by the food
manufacturers lobby group supporting MSG at:

http://www.msgfactscom/facts/msgfact12.html

explains that the reason they add it to food is to make people eat more. A study of the elderly showed that people eat more of the foods that it is added to.

The Glutamate Association lobby group says eating more benefits the elderly, but what does it do to the rest of us? 'Bet you can't eat just one', takes on a whole new meaning where MSG is concerned! And
we wonder why the nation is overweight? The MSG manufacturers themselves admit that it addicts people to their products. It makes people choose their product over others, and makes people eat more of it than they would if MSG wasn't added.

Not only is MSG scientifically proven to cause obesity,
it is an addictive substance! Since its introduction into the American food supply fifty years ago, MSG has been added in larger and larger doses to the pre-packaged meals, soups, snacks and fast foods we are tempted to eat everyday. The FDA has set no limits on how much of it can be added to
food.

They claim it's safe to eat in any amount. How can they claim it safe when there are hundreds of scientific studies with titles like these?

' The monosodium glutamate (MSG) obese rat as a model for the study of exercise in obesity'. Gomatos, Mello MA, Souza CT, Ribeiro
IA.Res Commun Mol Pathol Pharmacol. 2002.

' Adrenalectomy abolishes the food-induced hypothalamic serotonin release in both normal and monosodium glutamate-obese rats'.
Guimaraes RB, Telles MM, Coelho VB, Mori C, Nascimento CM, Ribeiro Brain Res Bull. 2002 Aug.

'Obesity induced by neonatal monosodium glutamate
treatment in spontaneously hypertensive rats: an animal model of multiple risk factors'. Iwase M, Yamamoto M, Iino K, IchikawaK, Shinohara N, Yoshinari

Fujishima Hypertens Res. 1998 Mar.

'Hypothalamic lesion induced by injection of monosodium glutamate in suckling period and subsequent development of obesity'. Tanaka
K, Shimada M, Nakao K, Kusunoki Exp Neurol. 1978 Oct.

Yes, that last study was not a typo, it WAS written in
1978. Both the "medical research community" and "food manufacturers" have known about MSG's side effects for decades! Many more studies mentioned in
John Erb's book link MSG to Diabetes, Migraines and headaches, Autism, ADHD and even Alzheimer's. But what can we do to stop the food manufactures from
dumping fattening and addictive MSG into our food supply and causing the obesity epidemic we now see?

Even as you read this, G. W. Bush and his corporate
supporters are pushing a Bill through Congress called the "Personal Responsibility in Food Consumption Act" also known as the "Cheeseburger Bill", this sweeping law bans anyone from suing food manufacturers, sellers and distributors. Even if it comes out that they purposely added an
addictive chemical to their foods. Read about it for yourself at:http://www.yahoo.com/. The Bill has already been rushed through the House of Representatives, and is due for the same rubber stamp at Senate level. It is important that Bush and his corporate supporters get it through before the media lets everyone know about 'MSG, the intentional Nicotine for food'.

Several months ago, John Erb took his book and his
concerns to one of the highest government health officials in Canada. While sitting in the Government office, the official told him "Sure I know how bad MSG is, I wouldn't touch the stuff!" But this top level government official refused to tell the public what he knew.

The big media doesn't want to tell the public either,
fearing legal issues with their advertisers. It seems that the fallout on fast food industry may hurt their profit margin. The food producers and restaurants have been addicting us to their products for years, and now we are paying the price for it. Our children should not be cursed with obesity caused by an addictive food additive. But what can I do about it?... I'm just one voice!

What can I do to stop the poisoning of our children,
while our governments are insuring financial protection for the industry that is poisoning us!

This e-mail is going out to everyone I know in an attempt to tell you the truth that the corporate owned politicians and media won't tell you. The best way you can help to save yourself and your children
from this drug-induced epidemic, is to forward this email to everyone. With any luck, it will circle the globe before politicians can pass the
legislation protecting those who are poisoning us. The food industry learned a lot from
the tobacco industry. Imagine if big tobacco had a bill like this in place before someone blew the whistle on Nicotine?

If you are one of the few who can still believe that MSG is good for us, and you don't believe what John Erb has to say, see for yourself. Go to the National Library of Medicine, at

http://www.pubmed.com/.

Type in the words "MSG Obese" and read a few of
the 115 medical studies that appear.

We the public, do not want to be rats in one giant
experiment and we do not approve of food that makes us into a nation of obese, lethargic, addicted sheep, feeding the food industry's bottom line,
while waiting for the heart transplant, diabetic induced amputation, blindness or other obesity induced, life threatening disorders. With your
help we can put an end to this poison. Do your part in sending this message out by word of mouth, e-mail or by distribution of this print-out to all
your friends all over the world and stop this 'Slow Poisoning of Mankind' by the packaged food industry.

Legislation does not change human behavior.  If people want MSG or cocaine or heroin or mustard or ketchup, they find a way to get it.

I suspect you might get more mileage by having people tell their feelings about using MSG - than by laying down lots of scientific evidence.

I am not clear about your feelings - what motivates you to engage this campaign.  Perhaps your Tribe can help you sort out your feelings and focus your energy into a clear snapshot of some results you can intend.

When One Man's Poison

is another man's profit,

logic has little effect.

Sharing feelings

Thu, 22 Sep 2005

Thu, 22 Sep 2005

Daily Report to Support Team

Good morning!

Here I am 7:30 in my office on time.

No drinking yesterday!

Trades: I should be short ER2-E-Mini at 663,20 but I am not. I get the Signal on Tuesday, but I did not take it, I was sure that the market does not move much lover. When the market moves lower on Tuesday evening I get very angry that I did not take my signal. So I did not come in my office yesterday (Wednesday), I stop trading, until I am clear about couple of questions:

Do I really want to trade?

Why work so hard to build a mechanical trading systen and then not trade it?

Is this the right business for me etc.?

Thank you for keeping your commitment to send a daily report.

You might consider taking your feelings of anger to your local Tribe. If you have your anger in a k-not, you might have a tendency to set up associating drama in the market.

Wed, 21 Sep 2005

Testimonial

Ed,

The attachment contains a draft of my testimonial
about your work. I have done many revisions and can no longer see any mistakes. Can you read it over briefly and provide feedback on any minor grammatical errors or on anything that needs clarity. I am not looking for a major overhaul, just a minor touch up if need be.

-----

My experience with TTP is something almost beyond conscious comprehension. It enhances every aspect of my life on a daily basis. I cannot thank Ed enough for this wonderful gift that he is sharing with the world.

With each passing day I continue to learn more and more about myself and others. I continue to evolve as an emotional being having a human experience rather than a human being have an emotional experience.

I now listen to my feelings and my body and use them as guides to help me make decisions in all aspects of my life including trading. My previous path involves ignoring and avoiding feelings and using my conscious mind and societal logic to make all of my decisions. 

Now I know that I can have anything that I really want. I sincerely do, and I have come to know it as “Magic.” The main key to achieving anything is my “WILLINGNESS” to experience all of my feelings.

I notice only then is it possible for me to experience this “Magic.” People seem to show up to miraculously help me when I need it. I get phone calls or emails right on cue to tell me exactly what I need to hear, and events just seem to conspire to work out exactly as I need them to without explanation.

In the span of less than a year my life transitions from being unclear, uncertain, and full of endless conflict to a life of clarity, certainty, purpose, and most of all harmony. All of my relationships are different today. The ones that still exist from my past are much stronger and harmonious and the others just seem to fade somewhere off into the sunset.

Today all of my relationship interactions are win-win, upfront, straight forward, and have a feelings orientation. My past interactions demonstrate hidden agendas, manipulation, recurring drama, and avoidance of feelings. I no longer experience these interactions nor do I crave or attract them as I once did. 

I encounter major life altering transitions in both my business and personal life. I separate from my girlfriend of four years and experience several feelings that I do not like. I learn that my “Fred” really wants me to feel certain feelings. He sets up a major drama to help me feel the very feelings that I spent the last four years of my life trying to consciously avoid.

My business grows from a two person operation to a seven person cohesive unit that is one of the top trend following investment managers in the world today. My top performing investment product produces a 38.09% gain in the last twelve month net of fees, a 2% management fee and 20% incentive fee.

My journey begins in October 2004 where a fellow tribesman and myself are in Chicago attending a Futures Industry Association conference. I tell him about a feeling that I am experiencing and he says with emphasis and authority, “THERE, that means something!

There is something important about that feeling that you need to experience.” He proceeds to suggest that at a minimum I think about attending Ed’s upcoming TTP workshop and then decide or not to join a tribe. I recall he mentions “Ed is a fricking genius!” 

I return home that day and proceed directly to www.tradingtribe.com and find out what I need to do in order to attend the workshop. I call Ed and reserve a spot. The workshop is an eye opener in terms of how much conscious mind I really am. I learn that it is ok to feel what I am feeling, in whatever moment of now that is. I learn that I live most of my life in the past and the future and have no idea what “living in the now” is all about.

I learn that feelings have positive intentions and that they are important guides as to what is really running my life. I learn that the feelings I am unwilling to experience are controlling my life. 

At the workshop I recall working on identifying where certain feelings in my body reside and what the forms of these feelings are. I remember feeling a bit awkward about what I am doing and what I am feeling. These are just not normal interactions with people yet everyone in the room seems to be ok with everything. I proceed with the exercises and eventually take my first “hot seat.”

I recall feeling embarrassment and asking myself what the heck am I doing? I find myself standing up shaking my head from side to side and moving my fingers like I am playing an imaginary piano. Then I start jumping like a frog as high as I can. All the while well several others encourage me to do it more.

I do not recall feeling anything other than “what is this and why am I doing this?” After around twenty or thirty minutes of doing these what I think are ridiculous gestures, forms, I get to the “zero point.”

I have no idea what my hot experience is all about. People are telling me good job and that I really went for it. The only thing that I know is that it feels good to do some of these forms and that people are accepting me.

Today, I now know that the feelings that I deal with are embarrassment and acceptance.  

After the workshop culminates I apply for membership in the Incline Village Tribe. Ed accepts me as a new member. I recall my first meeting asking if there is a confidentiality agreement, and if not that one should be put in place. Ed responds that there is not and that I might take my wanting one to the hot seat. He also tells me not to say anything that I do not want anyone to know.

I take the hot seat and notice that I am dealing with embarrassment again. I am having feelings of embarrassment about showing my real feelings and putting my real issues on the table. I take these feelings to task and allow myself to feel them and they quickly fade away.

Over the next several meetings I begin dealing with real issues. Several of which I am not even consciously aware of as I take the hot seat the next 15 meetings in a row. Every week I seem to have a new issue or work on, or I work on a previous issue that does not have complete resolution.  

I notice and recall several times just feeling something in my body in certain places and having no idea what the feeling is when I arrive at the tribe meeting. Regardless of wherever I start my hot seat experience I always seem to end up with stomach pain.

I recall thinking this is really strange that no matter what I am conscious of everything leads back to my stomach and I do not like that feeling.  

I notice that all of the issues that I am working on have to do with my personal life. They seem to be all coming back to my relationships with people specifically my girlfriend at the time. 

After several months of TTP I find all of my relationships improving except for my relationship with my girlfriend. She says she is supportive of my participation in the tribe but has no interest discussing it.

Over time I tell her bits and pieces and she gets the general idea. She does not like me telling her my feelings and is unwilling to share her feelings with me. She claims that I am suffocating her with my feelings and she cannot stand it. 

I talk to her about moving out and taking a break. We eventually break-up in extreme dramatic fashion. I notice one day that she is talking on instant messenger to someone. She tells me it is someone she met at the dog park and he is helping her find a place to live.

I notice that she brings his name up a few more times in the next few days and that she is spending time talking to him on instant messenger.

I decide to archive her instant messages to check out what is really going on. I get up the next morning and read the instant messages and I see several things that I do not like specifically that they are making plans to date when she moves out.

She also mentions that she wishes that he would have kissed her at the dog park a few days ago. I feel hurt and betrayal and decide to break up with her right then and there at 5:30 am. I wake her up and tell her to pack her sh-- and get the F--- out. She says where am supposed to go? I say I don’t care just get the F--- out now! 

I recall feelings of betrayal, sadness, anger, and pain in my stomach. At around 7:00 am I check my email and I find this message in my inbox from a friend that knows nothing about TTP:

            Today's thought is:

The only way out is through.

The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain. -- Fritz Perls

You are like a diamond that is continually being polished and perfected. As this purification proceeds, old thought forms and negative patterns rise to the surface to be released.

Past-unfinished business must be completed. Old traumas that have been stored in the body ask to be discharged.

This is not a bad thing -- far from it. The fact that painful events are being re-experienced is a sign that healing is taking place. Although you may feel tempted to run from these feelings, let yourself experience them. As you allow yourself to feel the pain, the pain diminishes and eventually disappears.

Spirit is always helping you to release that which you no longer need. Let go of the resistance and surrender to the process. Complete the past and move on. Once you have done the work, you will never have to repeat it.

How good it feels to be free!

I remember breaking down into tears thinking that this is exactly what I need at this exact moment. It describes the TTP process perfectly and it nails exactly what I am experiencing right now. The most amazing part of the whole thing is that I did not speak to anyone before checking my email that morning.

It is not possible for anyone to have conscious knowledge of what I was going through at that exact moment. Yet, somehow that message shows up right on cue, right when I need it most, truly “magic.”

Another intriguing thing is that this all happens on a Thursday which is the day we hold tribe meetings. I am able to take my feelings to the tribe and take the hot seat that day, right when I need it the most, again "magic". I recall sitting on the floor stretching forward and yelling “what the F---" while thrusting my hands straight out in front of me.

I recall the tribe asking what the feeling is and all I can think of is that the feeling is "what the F---." I remember feeling a combination of being upset, angry, and betrayal all at the same time.

The next form I experience after exhausting my "what the F---" form is to sit with my arms wrapping around my knees with my head between my knees rocking back and forth slightly, crying my eyes out. My face completely hidden and I am basically curling up in a ball position.

I recall the tribe and specifically Ed telling me to “let it come up, let it all out.” I engage so deeply in the feelings of betrayal that I am not conscious of how much I am crying. I reach up to wipe the tears from my eyes and thinking wow I am really letting it out. My hands are completely soaking wet with tears and because I am embracing the feeling so deeply I hardly feel the tears. I cry until it feels ok to feel what I am feeling.

At the end of the process a few of the tribe members give me a hug. I recall feeling so thankful that I have such a supportive group that accepts me unconditionally, and that I have an outlet to express my true feelings.

This is the beginning of the most major transition in my life to this point. The drama does not end with my ex-girlfriend. It plays out several different ways over the next two months and I keep taking the hot seat and working on the feelings that I do not like. I begin to have daily “aha’s” and my life starts to take a new direction. I begin to realize how I function, how other people function, and become aware of how many knots I have. It is truly enlightening and freeing once I am able to embrace my feelings and untie the knots.

I notice for a month or two I wake up almost every other night and write five to ten pages about my “aha’s”. Ed is writing his book at the time and I am proof reading it. I recall falling asleep several nights in a row with it in my hands and waking up with major “aha’s”.

The most major “aha’s” that I experience is that manipulation is a big part of all of my relationships, specifically with my ex-girlfriend.

I recall role playing a situation with Ed where he plays me and I play my ex. The situation has to do with the fact that I cannot stand when she gets mad at me. The manipulative exchange goes something like this:

My Ex (ME): (my ex screaming at me) I want the dogs they are mine and I am so mad at you for not letting me see them. You have no right not to let me see them.

Me (ED) Thank you! Thank you for sharing your feelings with me and letting me know that you are really angry. For the last four years I have been so controlling that I did not allow you to feel that feeling. I am alright with it now and I am willing to let you feel that now. 

As soon as the exchange concludes I have the major “aha” that it has been a dual manipulation for years. Her yelling at me to get her way, thus manipulating my behavior, and me not allowing her to feel angry by giving her way every time, thus manipulating her behavior.

Another situation arises in which she tells me she wants to be a “go-go” dancer at one of the clubs in South Lake Tahoe for the summer. I immediately go into a jealous rage and I have no idea where the feeling is coming from because I do not recall feeling this feeling before.

I also do not think I am a jealous person. I take the feeling to the hot seat and get a major “aha” that this is one of the feelings controlling my life because I hate it and I have not felt it since high school. I recall dating a girl in high school that is unfaithful and that makes me feel jealous.

Ever since that high school experience I have a knot that does not allow me to feel that feeling. I feel several other feelings that come up first to protect me from feeling jealous. This goes on for 12 years that I do not feel jealous until now. Wow, this feeling that I have been unwilling to feel has been hold up inside me trying to get out for a long time.

No wonder it is so difficult to experience and I hate every second of it. No wonder Fred has to create such a large drama to help me get to it because it is sunk in there so deep.

I spend several sleepless nights thinking about her making love to someone else and this make me feel extremely jealous.  I recall going 60 hours without sleeping because of this feeling. The non-stop worrying and the roller-coaster of rage that comes and goes just rip’s apart my stomach.

The fact that I have no idea what she is doing is driving me crazy. This is another feeling that I do not like, in fact I hate it. I hate the not knowing and not being in control. Again this feeling is all in my stomach.

I take all of these feelings to the tribe and take the hot seat and this time I have a major breakthrough. I take my feelings of not knowing, jealousy, and not being in control to task. They are all leading to pain in my stomach and I am able to throw up in a bucket while I am on the hot seat as the tribe provokes me.

The provoking is something I really do not like but really helps me to fully experience the feelings and without any force. I throw up by just fully embracing my feelings. It hurts like hell and when it’s all over I feel complete and total exhaustion.

I feel better about not knowing and I am ok with whatever she wants to do. I am also ok with not being in control.

After taking several hot seats as the sender and receiving many other senders on the hot seat I start becoming clearer. I cannot underestimate the power of receiving as a large influence on my overall growth. Specifically, one hot seat in particular stands out where the sender is working on an issue that revolves around his significant other wanting to marry. He states that if he can only get her feeling of what that feels like he may understand and know what to do.

I encounter an immediate “aha” that the majority of my life I never spend much time listening to my significant other’s feelings. All I hear are the words without the feelings behind them, or I choose not to want to know what the feelings are.

I begin replaying past situations in my mind. Immediately I start feeling my ex-girlfriend's feelings about sincerely wanting to share her joy with me about certain experiences and then I feel her rejection after I tell her that I am busy or not in the mood to listen. I feel bad about doing this because now that I feel her feelings and I understand what she is trying to convey. I now feel her joy and my response is now different.

I proceed to go through several more situations and gain more clarity and understanding about what she really wants. After a few of them I realize that all of my responses to the situations are now different than they were in the actual moment.

I make a commitment to myself to listen to the feelings that people are trying to convey to me especially when I do not understand what they are saying or if their feelings conflict with what they are saying. I now listen to the words that people are speaking along with trying to gauge their feelings about what they are conveying. I find my interactions with people improve immediately by just using this simple technique.

Today if I do not understand someone I simply ask, “what is the feeling of what you are trying to convey?” On the flip-side if someone does not understand me I now tell them how I feel. In both instances my communication improves tremendously. Words can be confusing, feelings are clear.

After 9 months of TTP I commit to attending a “breathwork” workshop. I have a tremendous life changing experience. As I begin breathing, I notice I encounter some past situations where I feel a lot of tension. I feel several parts of my body experiencing pain specifically my shoulders around my ac joints. I feel the intensity rise to the point where the pain is excruciating but I keep breathing and it suddenly dissipates.

Next, I notice myself going through all of my relationships with women starting in grade school and working up to my most recent relationship. I notice both good and bad aspects along with the feelings association with each one. I notice that my life seems to flow better with certain types of girls, pattern recognition.

I am also aware that when I get to my relationship with my ex it is hard to visualize anything. I try again and again and then I notice myself running as fast as I can and shaking my head from side to side as if I am saying no. I hear myself saying get away from this as fast as you can. You do not want this. As this is going on I notice that I exhibit the form of running and shaking my head as I am breathing. I quickly get the “aha” that I do not want anything to do with her. It feels liberating and free, I now know I can finally let go. This is truly the moment when I completely let go of her.

Next I experience my feelings about my ex’s sister and although I never date her I have strong feelings for her. It is p